Saturday, November 22, 2014

Hazrat Inayat Khan 


“The words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels.”
“Divine sound is the cause of all manifestation. The knower of the mystery of sound knows the mystery of the whole universe.”
“Everything in life is speaking in spite of its apparent silence.”
“By our trust in the divine beauty in every person we develop that beauty in ourselves.”
“The souls of all are from one and the same source but a soul which is unveiled shines out. Love and light come continually from such souls. We need no proof of it for it is living all else is dead in comparison.”
“Some people look for a beautiful place, others make a place beautiful.”
“To bring the sublime into the mundane is the greatest challenge there is.”
“Selfishness keeps man blind through life.”
“Instead of lamenting your fate, create your world.”
“If people but knew their own religion, how tolerant they would become, and how free from any grudge against the religion of others.”
“When we pay attention to nature's music, we find that everything on the Earth contributes to its harmony.”
“I have loved in life and I have been loved.
I have drunk the bowl of poison from the hands of love as nectar,
and have been raised above life's joy and sorrow.
My heart, aflame in love, set afire every heart that came in touch with it.
My heart has been rent and joined again;
My heart has been broken and again made whole;
My heart has been wounded and healed again;
A thousand deaths my heart has died, and thanks be to love, it lives yet.
I went through hell and saw there love's raging fire,
and I entered heaven illumined with the light of love.
I wept in love and made all weep with me;
I mourned in love and pierced the hearts of men;
And when my fiery glance fell on the rocks, the rocks burst forth as volcanoes.
The whole world sank in the flood caused by my one tear;
With my deep sigh the earth trembled, and when I cried aloud the name of my beloved,
I shook the throne of God in heaven.
I bowed my head low in humility, and on my knees I begged of love,
"Disclose to me, I pray thee, O love, thy secret."
She took me gently by my arms and lifted me above the earth, and spoke softly in my ear,
"My dear one, thou thyself art love, art lover,
and thyself art the beloved whom thou hast adored.”
“We grown-up people think that we appreciate music, but if we realized the sense that an infant has brought with it of appreciating sound and rhythm, we would never boast of knowing music. The infant is music itself.”
“There can be no rebirth without a dark night of the soul, a total annihilation of all that you believed in and thought that you were.”
“Very often in everyday life one sees that by losing one's temper with someone who has already lost his, one does not gain anything but only sets out upon the path of stupidity. He who has enough self-control to stand firm at the moment when the other person is in a temper, wins in the end. It is not he who has spoken a hundred words aloud who has won; it is he who has perhaps spoken only one word.”
“There are two aspects of individual harmony: the harmony between body and soul, and the harmony between individuals. All the tragedy in the world, in the individual and in the multitude, comes from lack of harmony. And harmony is the best given by producing harmony in one's own life. ”
“The first lesson to learn is to resign oneself to the little difficulties in life, not to hit out at everything one comes up against. If one were able to manage this one would not need to cultivate great power; even one's presence would be healing."
“Reason is the illusion of reality”
“I first believed without any hesitation in the existence of the soul, and then I wondered about the secret of its nature. I persevered and strove in search of the soul, and found at last that I myself was the cover over my own soul. I realized that that in me which believed and that in me that wondered, that which was found at last, was no other than my soul. I thanked the darkness that brought me to the light, and I valued this veil that prepared for me the vision in which I saw myself reflected, the vision produced in the mirror of my soul. Since then, I have seen all souls as my soul, and realized my soul as the soul of all. And what bewilderment it was when I realized that I alone was, if there were anyone, that I am whatever and whoever exists, and that I shall be whoever there will be in the future.”
“The solution to the problem of the day is the awakening of the consciousness of humanity to the divinity within.”
“"Intellect is the knowledge obtained by experience of names and forms; wisdom is the knowledge which manifests only from the inner being; to acquire intellect one must delve into studies, but to obtain wisdom, nothing but the flow of divine mercy is needed; it is as natural as the instinct of swimming to the fish, or of flying to the bird. Intellect is the sight which enables one to see through the external world, but the light of wisdom enables one to see through the external into the internal world.”
“Don't be concerned about being disloyal to your pain by being joyous.”
“Be contented with what you possess in life; be thankful for what does not belong to you, for it is so much care the less; but try to obtain what you need in life, and make the best of every moment of your life.”
“Whatever your life's pursuit -- art, poetry, sculpture, music, whatever your occupation may be -- you can be as spiritual as clergy, always living a life of praise.”
“Love is the divine Mother's arms; when those arms are spread, every soul falls into them."
"The Sufis of all ages have been known for their beautiful personality. It does not mean that among them there have not been people with great powers, wonderful powers and wisdom. But beyond all that, what is most known of the Sufis is the human side of their nature: that tact which attuned them to wise and foolish, to poor and rich, to strong and weak -- to all. They met everyone on his own plane, they spoke to everyone in his own language. What did Jesus teach when he said to the fishermen, 'Come hither, I will make you fishers of men?' It did not mean, 'I will teach you ways by which you get the best of man.' It only meant: your tact, your sympathy will spread its arms before every soul who comes, as mother's arms are spread out for her little ones.”
“For the value of everything exists for man only so long as he does not understand it. When he has fully understood, the value is lost, be it the lowest thing or the highest thing.”
“The gardener uses both roses in the flowerbed and thorns in making fences.”

Thursday, November 20, 2014

What's the Difference?


Between a cocktail lounge and an elephant fart?

One's a "Bar Room."

The other's a . . . "BarROOOM!!!"

Thursday, November 13, 2014

What's That About the Big Booty?


Mrs. Kanye West, aka Kim Kardashian, made some news again recently. As she usually does, just for appearing. But this time, appearing in the nude. 

She's famously famous for being famous. And, for her beautiful . . . lovely . . . soft . . . round . . . fulsome . . .  erotic . . .  spectacular . . . world-class . . . hyper-large . . . undeniably wonderful . . . butt. Caboose. 

Let's not dwell. But, you could. Literally. That is one Shelf! Booty. Tush. Keister. Roaster, in some circles. She is what is the textbook definition of bootylicious.

So she got a big ol' ass. So what?

Well, let me put you straight. (I think those curves would put anyone straight. Am I right?)

It's about the math. Angles. Sexual geometry, to be exact. If you are a fan of the classic Missionary position, let's just say such an ample backside does the same job as a pillow(s) do for the lady who be havin' some skinny ol' boney ass. 

Nuff said?


Self Awareness

Don't We Already Have Enough?

The Answer . . . 

Here, from the Wise Ones 

. . . Hear

(Just hoping that the kid who’s doing the algorithm which assembles my profile is conscious with the understanding . . .)


Gnostic Gospels: 

"Jesus said, 'If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.'" 

Rumi:


"Many of the faults you see in others, dear reader, are your own nature reflected in them."


D. T. Suzuki:* 


“The present state of things as we are facing everywhere politically, economically, morally, intellectually, and spiritually is no doubt the result of our past thoughts and deeds we have committed as human beings through[out] the whole length of history, through aeons of existence, not only individually but collectively — let me repeat, collectively. As such, we are, every one of us, responsible for the present world situation filled with [its] awesome forebodings. The bombing of Hiroshima was not, after all, the doing of the American armies, but the doing of mankind as a whole, and as such, we, not only the Japanese and Americans but the whole world, are to be held responsible for the wholesale slaughter witnessed ten years ago . . .

“As far as I can see, [we must find] the living Shonin who is surely among us answering to the call of his name; only we have not been able to hear his response, our ears have not yet been fully opened innerly as well as outwardly to [that] still small voice . . . 

“We must realize that modern civilization is thoroughly oriented towards dehumanizing humanity in every possible way; that is to say, we are fast turning into robots or statues with no human souls. Our task is to get humanized once more.”




C. G. Jung: The Shadow


Image Source: veilofreality.com


A man who is unconscious of himself acts in a blind, instinctive way and is in addition fooled by all the illusions that arise when he sees everything that he is not conscious of in himself coming to meet him from outside as projections upon his neighbour.
Carl Gustav Jung "The Philosophical Tree" (1945). In CW 13: Alchemical Studies. P.335

Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.
"Psychology and Religion" (1938). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.131

It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses- and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster; and each individual is only one tiny cell in the monster's body, so that for better or worse he must accompany it on its bloody rampages and even assist it to the utmost. Having a dark suspicion of these grim possibilities, man turns a blind eye to the shadow-side of human nature. Blindly he strives against the salutary dogma of original sin, which is yet so prodigiously true. Yes, he even hesitates to admit the conflict of which he is so painfully aware.
"On the Psychology of the Unconscious" (1912). In CW 7: Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. P.35

We know that the wildest and most moving dramas are played not in the theatre but in the hearts of ordinary men and women who pass by without exciting attention, and who betray to the world nothing of the conflicts that rage within them except possibly by a nervous breakdown. What is so difficult for the layman to grasp is the fact that in most cases the patients themselves have no suspicion whatever of the internecine war raging in their unconscious. If we remember that there are many people who understand nothing at all about themselves, we shall be less surprised at the realization that there are also people who are utterly unaware of their actual conflicts.
"New Paths in Psychology" (1912). In CW 7: Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. P.425

If you imagine someone who is brave enough to withdraw all his projections, then you get an individual who is conscious of a pretty thick shadow. Such a man has saddled himself with new problems and conflicts. He has become a serious problem to himself, as he is now unable to say that they do this or that, they are wrong, and they must be fought against. He lives in the "House of the Gathering." Such a man knows that whatever is wrong in the world is in himself, and if he only learns to deal with his own shadow he has done something real for the world. He has succeeded in shouldering at least an infinitesimal part of the gigantic, unsolved social problems of our day.
"Psychology and Religion" (1938). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.140

There is a deep gulf between what a man is and what he represents, between what he is as an individual and what he is as a collective being. His function is developed at the expense of the individuality. Should he excel, he is merely identical with his collective function; but should he not, then, though he may be highly esteemed as a function in society, his individuality is wholly on the level of his inferior, undeveloped functions, and he is simply a barbarian, while in the former case he has happily deceived himself as to his actual barbarism.
Psychological Types (1921). CW 6: P.III

Taking it in its deepest sense, the shadow is the invisible saurian tail that man still drags behind him. Carefully amputated, it becomes the healing serpent of the mysteries. Only monkeys parade with it.
The Integration of the Personality. (1939).

How else could it have occurred to man to divide the cosmos, on the analogy of day and night, summer and winter, into a bright day-world and a dark night-world peopled with fabulous monsters, unless he had the prototype of such a division in himself, in the polarity between the conscious and the invisible and unknowable unconscious? Primitive man's perception of objects is conditioned only partly by the objective behaviour of the things themselves, whereas a much greater part is often played by intrapsychic facts which are not related to the external objects except by way of projection. This is due to the simple fact that the primitive has not yet experienced that ascetic discipline of mind known to us as the critique of knowledge. To him the world is a more or less fluid phenomenon within the stream of his own fantasy, where subject and object are undifferentiated and in a state of mutual interpenetration.
"Psychological Aspects of the Mother Archetype" (1939) In CW 9, Part 1: The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. P. 187

We carry our past with us, to wit, the primitive and inferior man with his desires and emotions, and it is only with an enormous effort that we can detach ourselves from this burden. If it comes to a neurosis, we invariably have to deal with a considerably intensified shadow. And if such a person wants to be cured it is necessary to find a way in which his conscious personality and his shadow can live together.
"Answer to Job" (1952). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.12

The world is as it ever has been, but our consciousness undergoes peculiar changes. First, in remote times (which can still be observed among primitives living today), the main body of psychic life was apparently in human and in nonhuman Objects: it was projected, as we should say now. Consciousness can hardly exist in a state of complete projection. At most it would be a heap of emotions. Through the withdrawal of projections, conscious knowledge slowly developed. Science, curiously enough, began with the discovery of astronomical laws, and hence with the withdrawal, so to speak, of the most distant projections. This was the first stage in the despiritualization of the world. One step followed another: already in antiquity the gods were withdrawn from mountains and rivers, from trees and animals. Modern science has subtilized its projections to an almost unrecognizable degree, but our ordinary life still swarms with them. You can find them spread out in the newspapers, in books, rumours, and ordinary social gossip. All gaps in our actual knowledge are still filled out with projections. We are still so sure we know what other people think or what their true character is.
"Psychology and Religion" (1938) In CW II: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P. 140

When we must deal with problems, we instinctively resist trying the way that leads through obscurity and darkness. We wish to hear only of unequivocal results, and completely forget that these results can only be brought about when we have ventured into and emerged again from the darkness. But to penetrate the darkness we must summon all the powers of enlightenment that consciousness can offer.
"The Stages of Life" (1930). In CW 8: The Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche. P.752

Everything that man should, and yet cannot, be or do — be it in a positive or negative sense — lives on as a mythological figure and anticipation alongside his consciousness, either as a religious projection or — what is still more dangerous — as unconscious contents which then project themselves spontaneously into incongruous objects; e.g., hygienic and other "salvationist" doctrines or practices. All these are so many rationalized substitutes for mythology, and their unnaturalness does more harm than good.
"The Psychology of the Child Archetype" (1940). In CW 9, Part I: The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. P.287

The hero's main feat is to overcome the monster of darkness: it is the long-hoped-for and expected triumph of consciousness over the unconscious. The coming of consciousness was probably the most tremendous experience of primeval times, for with it a world came into being whose existence no one had suspected before. "And God said, 'Let there be light"' is the projection of that immemorial experience of the separation of consciousness from the unconscious.
"The Psychology of the Child Archetype" (1940). In CW 9, Part I: The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. P.284

The symbol is a living body, corpus et anima; hence the "child" is such an apt formula for the symbol. The uniqueness of the psyche can never enter wholly into reality, it can only be realized approximately, though it still remains the absolute basis of all consciousness. The deeper "layers" of the psyche lose their individual uniqueness as they retreat farther and farther into darkness. "Lower down," that is to say as they approach the autonomous functional systems, they become increasingly collective until they are universalized and extinguished in the body's materiality, i.e., in chemical substances. The body's carbon is simply carbon. Hence "at bottom" the psyche is simply "world." In this sense I hold Kerenyi to be absolutely right when he says that in the symbol the world itself is speaking. The more archaic and "deeper," that is the more physiological, the symbol is, the more collective and universal, the more "material" it is. The more abstract, differentiated, and specified it is, and the more its nature approximates to conscious uniqueness and individuality, the more it sloughs off its universal character. Having finally attained full consciousness, it runs the risk of becoming a mere allegory which nowhere oversteps the bounds of conscious comprehension, and is then exposed to all sorts of attempts at rationalistic and therefore inadequate explanation.
"The Psychology of the Child Archetype" (1940). In CW 9, Part I: The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. P.291

The masculinity of the woman and the femininity of the man are inferior, and it is regrettable that the full value of their personalities should be contaminated by something that is less valuable. On the other hand, the shadow belongs to the wholeness of the personality: the strong man must somewhere be weak, somewhere the clever man must be stupid, otherwise he is too good to be true and falls back on pose and bluff. Is it not an old truth that woman loves the weaknesses of the strong man more than his strength, and the stupidity of the clever man more than his cleverness ?
Die Anima als Schicksalsproblem des Mannes (1963) Foreward by C.G. Jung. In CW 18 261

To remain a child too long is childish, but it is just as childish to move away and then assume that childhood no longer exists because we do not see it. But if we return to the "children's land" we succumb to the fear of becoming childish, because we do not understand that everything of psychic origin has a double face. One face looks forward, the other back. It is ambivalent and therefore symbolic, like all living reality.
Psychology and Alchemy (1944). CW 12. P.74

No, the demons are not banished; that is a difficult task that still lies ahead. Now that the angel of history has abandoned the Germans,* the demons will seek a new victim. And that won't be difficult. Every man who loses his shadow, every nation that falls into self-righteousness, is their prey . . . We should not forget that exactly the same fatal tendency to collectivization is present in the victorious nations as in the Germans, that they can just as suddenly become a victim of the demonic powers.
"The Postwar Psychic Problems of the Germans" (1945)
*Written 1945.

Just as we tend to assume that the world is as we see it, we naively suppose that people are as we imagine them to be. In this latter case, unfortunately, there is no scientific test that would prove the discrepancy between perception and reality. Although the possibility of gross deception is infinitely greater here than in our perception of the physical world, we still go on naively projecting our own psychology into our fellow human beings. In this way everyone creates for himself a series of more or less imaginary relationships based essentially on projection.
"General Aspects of Dream Psychology" (1916). In CW 8: The Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche. P.507

The change of character brought about by the uprush of collective forces is amazing. A gentle and reasonable being can be transformed into a maniac or a savage beast. One is always inclined to lay the blame on external circumstances, but nothing could explode in us if it had not been there. As a matter of fact, we are constantly living on the edge of a volcano, and there is, so far as we know, no way of protecting ourselves from a possible outburst that will destroy everybody within reach. It is certainly a good thing to preach reason and common sense, but what if you have a lunatic asylum for an audience or a crowd in a collective frenzy? There is not much difference between them because the madman and the mob are both moved by impersonal, overwhelming forces.
"Psychology and Religion" (1938). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.25

It is the face of our own shadow that glowers at us across the Iron Curtain.
Man and His Symbols. In CW 18: P.85

Whenever contents of the collective unconscious become activated, they have a disturbing effect on the conscious mind, and contusion ensues. If the activation is due to the collapse of the individual's hopes and expectations, there is a danger that the collective unconscious may take the place of reality. This state would be pathological. If, on the other hand, the activation is the result of psychological processes in the unconscious of the people, the individual may feel threatened or at any rate disoriented, but the resultant state is not pathological, at least so far as the individual is concerned. Nevertheless, the mental state of the people as a whole might well be compared to a psychosis.
"The Psychological Foundation for the Belief in Spirits (1920). In CW 8: The Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche. P.595

The individual ego could be conceived as the commander of a small army in the struggle with his environments war not infrequently on two fronts, before him the struggle for existence, in the rear the struggle against his own rebellious instinctual nature. Even to those of us who are not pessimists our existence feels more like a struggle than anything else. The state of peace is a desideratum, and when a man has found peace with himself and the world it is indeed a noteworthy event.
"Analytical Psychology and Weltanschauung" (1928) In CW 8: The Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche. P.693

If a man is endowed with an ethical sense and is convinced of the sanctity of ethical values, he is on the surest road to a conflict of duty. And although this looks desperately like a moral catastrophe, it alone makes possible a higher differentiation of ethics and a broadening of consciousness. A conflict of duty forces us to examine our conscience and thereby to discover the shadow.
Depth Psychology and a New Ethic. (1949). In CW 18. P.17

The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.
Aion (1951). CW 9, Part II: P.14

To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light. Once one has experienced a few times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant by the self. Anyone who perceives his shadow and his light simultaneously sees himself from two sides and thus gets in the middle.
"Good and Evil in Analytical Psychology" (1959). In CW 10. Civilization in Transition. P.872

Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the confrontation with the shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
"The Philosophical Tree" (1945). In CW 13: Alchemical Studies. P.335

A man who is unconscious of himself acts in a blind, instinctive way and is in addition fooled by all the illusions that arise when he sees everything that he is not conscious of in himself coming to meet him from outside as projections upon his neighbour.
"The Philosophical Tree" (1945). In CW 13: Alchemical Studies. P.335

Projections change the world into the replica of one's own unknown face.
Aion (1955). CW 14: P.17

The "other" may be just as one-sided in one way as the ego is in another. And yet the conflict between them may give rise to truth and meaning — but only if the ego is willing to grant the other its rightful personality.
"Concerning Rebirth" (1940) In CW 9, Part I: The Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious. P.237

Good does not become better by being exaggerated, but worse, and a small evil becomes a big one through being disregarded and repressed. The shadow is very much a part of human nature, and it is only at night that no shadows exist.
"A Psychological Approach to the Dogma of the Trinity" (1942) In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.286

We know that the wildest and most moving dramas are played not in the theatre but in the hearts of ordinary men and women who pass by without exciting attention, and who betray to the world nothing of the conflicts that rage within them except possibly by a nervous breakdown. What is so difficult for the layman to grasp is the fact that in most cases the patients themselves have no suspicion whatever of the internecine war raging in their unconscious. If we remember that there are many people who understand nothing at all about themselves, we shall be less surprised at the realization that there are also people who are utterly unaware of their actual conflicts.
"New Paths in Psychology" (1912). In CW 7: Two Essays on Analytical Psychology. P.425

In reality, the acceptance of the shadow-side of human nature verges on the impossible. Consider for a moment what it means to grant the right of existence to what is unreasonable, senseless, and evil! Yet it is just this that the modern man insists upon. He wants to live with every side of himself — to know what he is. That is why he casts history aside. He wants to break with tradition so that he can experiment with his life and determine what value and meaning things have in themselves, apart from traditional resuppositions.
"Psychotherapist or the Clergy" (1932). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.528

  
Hot Under the Collar

"Music to My Ears"*


Some mysteries of life get solved later on. This is a repost with new information from a fellow Polish Detroiter. (The best kind of Detroiter.)

First some background . . .

My father was a good man. Raised to be a good boy. Obedient. Loyal. Trustworthy. Steadfast. Honest. 

All good traits. But, I suspect, he was good boy sometimes at the expense of his inner compass. Giving the expected "Yes" when in his soul there was a distinct "No". Such is the usual lot of the usual child growing up in the usual home.

"A good boy." In other words, doing what was expected instead of what his gut was telling him. I was raised in the same way. That's why I sometimes say my downfall was that I was a good boy.

Being good in others eyes is one thing. Fine. Being good and doing the right thing in your own self estimation is another. It's a balancing act, isn't it? But, when the time comes, let's have have the fortitude and courage to do as we see as best and right. What others may or may not think, be damned. 

My dad had a strong sense of justice. He was a Auto Union Man, so you can see how part of his outrage originated from how Labor was treated at one point in our history. Labor, in my estimation, is still being treated fairly poorly, but we've somehow become complicit in our our own enslavement. 

Anyhow, a roundabout way of getting to the point. 

My father when outraged by some injustice or other could become rather visibly irate. He was famous with me for his Old World Polish world-class expletive, which I render in phonetic spelling. I am unable to get an accurate spelling of the phrase; or translation (that changed shortly after the original post. See below):

"Tipsch Psha Cref Holletta, Yasni Pioron Chaz." 

Usually followed with the coda, "God Damn, Son of a Bitch. Damn it to Hell, Anyway."

Let's just say that the first phrase in that litany of outrage is such a vile and loathsome a thing as to even have no known translation in the Old Polish language. (Note: See below from that friendly font of information Ernest Kramer.)

If anyone reading this can bring some clarification on this, please. By all means.

* This, at last, exegesis from a friend, fellow Pollack, and erstwhile fellow U of D High School Alum. (A.M.D.G., brohim!)

Ah David, This phrase is music to my ears. My grandmother, when frustrated would use it on me when I was a smart ass teenager. She  assumed that I would never decipher it.

"Tipsch Psha Cref Holletta, Yasni Pioron Chaz."

Ty (you) psia (dog) crew (blood) (w =V)  blood of a dog

holera = cholera  = the plague

Or,  the Polish version of "son of a bitch, I wish the plague on you."

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Halloween 2014 

Costume Contest Winners


"Donald Rumsfeld" and His Lovely Date "Sia".



And, Yes, She Swung from the Chandelier.


Taxi Dave 2014 Updated

TAXING CAB STORIES . . . UPDATED AND COMPLETE


It all started innocently enough. 

With a joke. Well, the joke isn't so innocent. But it made me recall something. 

But, first, the humor . . . 

Cab driver: “There’s something that I’ve been wanting to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”

Nun: “I'm sure that there's nothing you could say, or ask, that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

Nun responds: "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single. And, I’m Catholic!"

"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy; with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

____________________________________

Now, for the story. 

It's about my cousin Stashu Vaselko Wronski. "Stuvash" is his nickname. He drives a taxi in New York City. He is what, in that trade anyhow, is known as a professional. As you get to know him in this little homage you'll see what I mean.



That's him in the photo, alright. But, he didn't have that aforementioned encounter with the nun. Not that I know of, anyway. 


He drives a 1965 Checker. Pristine condition, even though it takes a beating in the mean streets. He runs his business like a limo service. You have to book ahead. Big deal, huh? Yes, I should say. At $100 just to get into the cab. $5 bucks per quarter mile after that. You have to be somebody to book his rig. Or, somebody who wants to be somebody.

He's had his encounters, nevertheless. The back seat of his taxi cab is rather large. His vehicle of choice is the venerable Checker. It was purpose built to be a taxicab. Big and square. Lots of passenger room. Easy to get in and out. And, out of production since 1982. Its design is similar to that of cars in the late 1940s. Beefy and bulletproof. Heavy body over frame arrangement. Soft suspension. Slow brakes. Practical. Solid. Alas, now, old fashioned. 


But, people of a certain generation wax nostalgic for those old behemoths. That's where Stuvash comes in. 


How it all started is a modern miracle. 


According to Cousin Stuvash, he had a visitor. Not the BVM. THE Visitor. The Son Himself! A blessing, if you will. For him, and his taxi. Jesus Christ! No, really: Jesus Christ!



Needless to say, no charge for the Savior of Mankind. Thank you, Jesus! You've already paid enough.

Soon after that he had fares from several who, you might say, were bone fide friends of Our Lord.



Not only a big tipper; but, you should see what she left under the seat. He had no idea a solid gold bullion bar weighed so much.

Of course, things can be relied upon to change. 

His career developed quickly. Many local dignitaries were early adopters.


Per Stuvash. No. That is not a squirrel pelt on top of the Trumpmeister's keppe.


Even the titular "Lord of the Bronx", his nibs Baron Ambrosia, booked for an entire evening for a Bronx Borough Pub Crawl. More like a Pernil Prowl. Stopping unexpectedly more than once for an impromptu game of Catch the Cuchifrito with some local homeboys.


Big Al was a regular for 30 Rock drop-off and pick-up. The guy had a side gig selling weather paraphernalia. And, yes, he is always perky. "Can't get enough."And, speaking of 30 Rock . . . Saturday evenings were reliably sure to catch some interesting fares.


She's dispensing God's JUSTICE right here on earth.



Reliably cranked and wired. 



He made all the party stops.



Everyone's favorite heart throb. 


He had a standing order most mornings to pick up Stephen Colbert at the Port Authority when he comes to NYC in the wee hours from his New Jersey abode. "What a Diva! Always travels with an entourage: Manicurist. Assistant to read the newspaper. Some big guy who looks like a trained attack dog. And, always munching on a breakfast burrito. Talks with his mouth full."

Oh, yah! They picked the right guy to sell pistachios. What a nut!"
_______________________________________

Visiting glitterati would book way ahead. 


"I took Ms. Hilton to . . . where else? . . . to the Hilton." Laughed Cousin Stuvash. (Nice "headlights!" Yes?) Woof!


"The guy said he was Robert Goulet. Sure sounded like him. Ouch!"


If you knew where she wanted to go. Downtown. Way down. Oy! Slumming. Cute as can be, though.


I don't know if the Funny F*cker in the back is still her fan. Stu is. Obviously! Mini Klieg lights? Really? 

Anyway, they both like the sweeties. Even though that chatty one has more of an Anglo-centric taste. 

By the way. You know, don't you? Twinkies are back!

That old Checker sometimes would go into TaxiCabTimeTravel mode. Stuvash said it was his "Purgatory", soul cleansing karma to prepare a sinner to be worthy to hang with JC in the afterlife. 


Precious Cargo.


Two peas in a pod. They talked, and talked. Yes, he WAS talking to him.


He lives!


Got milk!


"He said, 'Whatever' a whole lot."

Sought after by the euro-trash, world class assholes, and preening-prancy-prancersons.


The flowers were for Stuvash. QUELLE SURPRISE! But, he demurred. 


Not really all that interesting, according to Cousin Stuvash.


SHE was NOT amused. Probably will be seen in that getup soon, however. Stuvash was a muse to many. Also, amusing. To some.


Lewis Black is really a rather colorful fellow. Off stage, anyhow. 


The job did present some interesting ironies every now and then. He didn't care for the decor.


That suggestion pissed him off.  He said he didn't want a pillow to sit on. 

Stuvash, he took more than his share of sh*t. 


That aspiring funny girl is seen here giving Stuvash her best estimate of the size of his Little Stuvash. 

B-I-T-C-H! "Talk to the hand, girlie."


Those two! Don't even let's get into that.   


Live and let live. But, that philosophy can get you into some awkward situations.




Cousin is not into politics. But, he couldn't help a little show of national Polish pride for Mr. V. Putinski. And, Pup.




He is the darling of the fashionistocracy. He never disappoints. They got a "fabulous" ride. "Amazing!!!" "Just to die for." 


And, lot's of ideas to take back to the atelier. He was, after all, quite a-muse-ing. (Next Spring, look for Exotic-Birds-in-Hawaii motifs. Featured in Vogue, and on the runway.)


He upon occasion picked up rides going to the bizarro part of town.




They say art imitates life. But, as Stuvash would sometimes say, "Are you kidding me?"  But, Stuvash comes prepared. 




Things aren't always what they appear to be. Going to a performance, already in makeup? In this theater town, if might be. 


Or . . . worst! 




He made quite an impression. Quoting Beelzebub with his blistering breath verbatim, that doyen of the deepest dark, that ruler and dean of the most dastardly cohorts of depravity, that prince of all that blasphemes the every smallest good thing . . . 

This is what he said: 


"You want to know what hell is? I'll tell you, boy!" 


"Hell is a place where NOBODY knows your name, or gives a good f**k anyway. And, where EVERYBODY you see has YOUR FACE." 


"Holy Cow!" Stuvash blurted out. 


And then this capper comes from Satan's hot lips, "That's right, Sonny. And, that's on a GOOD day!"


"Gee wiz!" murmured dear Cousin.


"And . . . Now YOU belong to ME!!!" demanded Satan with all the haughty confidence only such a damnable deceiver could muster.


Stuvash is anything if not on his toes.  And, not to be trifled or messed with. 


He yelled right back, "Get out of my cab you damned melodramatic red mother f**ker!!! I have a choice where my soul's concerned. Now get!!! 


"TIPSCH PSA CREF HOLETTA, YASNI PIORUN CHAZ. GODDAM SONOFABITCH!!!" (That there is an old world, full blooded expletive which is in fact so rude no one fluent in the Polish tongue even knows what it means.)



Woof! And . . . Whew! DOG! 


And . . . Woof!!! 

Serendipitously, these three lovelies were off to a small private party at the St. Regis, and this was Stuvash's last fare at the end of his shift. He tagged along. Came home with a smile that lasted for days.


When it rains, it pours. 

Stuvash is anything, if not Polish. Like folks of every descent he embodies some — really all(!) in his case  of the stereotypical traits of his lineage. He's got a chronic case of round shoulders. And, a flat forehead. Turns out the explanation is all too obvious. When you ask Cousin a question, he invariably shrugs his shoulders. When you tell him the answer, he reliably will slap his forehead. Like the Grand Canyon, a river flows and, over time, things set in.

Also, he's so typical in his thinking. He figures if he takes three of those little blue pills, he's good for 12 hours before any need to call for medical assistance. Maybe even 13 hours. Or, so.


Then there's always the down side. Not without its anxious moments. BEEP! BEEP!


Of all the dames, in of all towns, she had to get into his cab. She was most noticeably in a class by herself. Woof! And . . . Woof!

_______________________________


 Well, that's enough for one night. 

If you see Stuvash driving by, flag him down. Don't bother to mention me. You won't get any better. Like I said, he's a professional. Consistent top shelf service only. 


Here's something Cousin Stashu V. wanted to share with you all . . .



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