Drobkin's Comet

 

Dr. Augustus Drobkin is inarguably the acknowledged preeminent expert in the rare and highly specialized Astronomical subspecialty, Cometology. If he were himself a comet, he would be the brightest ever seen in the heavens; going back from even the dawn of recorded history. Yes, he's that good. The Shizz. Top Banana. Shooting Star?

Well he's no shooting Star. Dr. Drobkin has devoted his long life in search of the rarest of all comets. One which has only one reference to having been seen, as recorded in an ancient text dating back to the earliest historical record. Written in stone, to give you an idea of how far back we're talking here. Old. Really, really old.

Yet, after all those years of doggedly persisting in his search, alas, nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. And then one day, as you might expect from the story title, Drobkin's Comet, he got an eye on the prize. 

Here's how that moment transpired ...

Dr. Drobkin was having his lunch one day when he was unexpectedly interrupted by the high school intern. The kid was there to help, mainly with mundane tasks around the observatory. Low level stuff. Gopher, it's called. ["Hey kid! I'm and 'Idea Man'. I have an idea. See that mess over there? Why don't you go and clean it up?"] Good for building character. Better than spending hours at video games, or selling drugs, or chasing girls. Also, being around such great minds, the lad was expecting to get a leg up into his aspired Astronomical career.

So here's the deal. [Say his words in a squeaky, high falsetto for the full effect.] The kid comes running into the lunch room, all excited; beside himself. "Dr. Drobkin, Dr. Drobkin! I didn't have a chance to bring you your tea yet, but I ... I saw something! Really big! You won't believe it!" "Young man", the good doctor sternly snaps, "never mind your amusing little fancies, where's my tea?" "Right away, sir. But ... but, I have to tell you something!" "Okay, okay, what is it?", the lofty doctor sarcastically asks."

"Well, Dr. Drobkin ... I accidentally nudged the main telescope on my way to brewing you your luncheon tea. I tried to put it back in place. Did the best I could. Well, anyway, I took a look in the eyepiece and I saw this comet. I checked the books, and it's not listed! I think I discovered a first. Maybe even the really big one!"

To say that Drobkin's jaw dropped is putting it mildly. He hurried to the observatory, and sure enough, that damn kid stumbled right on top of it. The Lord works in mysterious ways may have it's truth, but Augustus was not amused. That damn kid! Damn! Motherfucker!

Well, you should know that in a situation such as when one is the underling to high poobah experts, you know who's gonna get the credit. Dr. Augustus Drobkin. He's in the books as the discoverer of the nearly never before seen comet, now known throughout the scientific world and in the public imagination as "Drobkin's Comet." 

The kid, he got a attaboy and a pat on the back. There's a good boychick! Now, go get that cup of tea. 

Take a look for yourself ...

Here's a tale recounting how the good doctor may have had his comeuppance.

The Drobkin Fart ...

Dr. Drobkin is a world famous authority in a highly specialized field of Astronomy, Cometology. He had earned his undergraduate degree, his Masters, and his PhD at the university in his hometown. After that he was practicing as a researcher at the highest level at the venerable Mount Palomar Observatory in California

He wrote a significant paper and has been invited to deliver the paper at a conference, which by coincidence is in his hometown. He is called to the dais. The room is full of distinguished personages; the men wearing tuxedos, the women properly attired for such an august event. Dr. Drobkin approaches the dais and puts his papers on the lectern. As he’s about to give his talk, suddenly the papers all slide down to the floor. He bends over to pick them up, and as he does his tuckus is against the microphone. And at the very wrong moment, he lets one ride. It reverberates around the room, magnified by the microphone. 

Somehow he regains his composure and delivers the paper. No sooner is he done but he grabs everything up and makes a quick exit through a rear door, vowing never to come back to the town again.

Many years pass, his mother is on in years and he has to go back to town to care for her. He does so under the name Dr. Cohen. He makes a reservation at the local Hyatt under that name and gets there under cover of darkness. As he checks into the hotel, a bright eyed and bushy tailed room clerk says, “Good evening Dr. Cohen, have you ever been in our town before?” 

The doctor says, “Yes, as a matter of fact, young man, I grew up here and I got my education here; got my undergraduate, my doctorate, and my specialty degrees at the university and I moved away.”

The young man asks, “So why haven’t you been here for so long?”

“Well, a number of years ago a very embarrassing thing happened here, and I just didn’t feel I could come back and face the people in the town.”

The young man says, “Doctor, far be it for me, a young stripling, to advise a distinguished older gentleman such as you. But, if I can give you anything from my experience in my own young life, things that I thought were embarrassing and people noticed, I later found out that nobody even knew that they happened. And I’m sure that’s probably true about the thing you think is so embarrassing.”

The doctor says, “No, I doubt that anyone has forgotten what happened.”

The young man says, “Well, was it a long time ago?”

“Yes, it was a very long time ago.”

 “Was it before the Drobkin fart, or after?”