Taxi Dave 2016

The Complete Taxi Dave 2016 

TAXI DAVE 2016

"Hey, YOU! VOTE! [FOR ME!]"

What to do when you don't approve either candidate's message?

They said they wanted to "go to town". It was a figure of speech. 

Seems to be feelin' the Bern.

Quite a story. CLICK to read.

Man of mystery. Felt like we were being followed.

You just have accommodate a friend.

We made record time. I ate it all up cleaning the back. He sheds.

"Take me to Trump Tower. Make it snappy." Shall I take the bridge.

There you go whipping out that Mexican thing again!

Immersed in popular culture. Not something to take pride in.

He said he was going to "entertain" at a kid's birthday party.

Enough with the Cowbell already!

"Life is a carousel. And the sun is a scoop of ice cream"

Often I get into conversations with my passengers. Some truly intimate, heart wrenching stories ...

"My wife is in a coma."

Me: "So sad to hear that."

"Then the doctor tells me ..."There's one way to wake her up, but it's a little unconventional. You go in there and you have oral sex with her. I've seen it work."

So I go in there and come out after about 5 minutes.

"Doc, she's choking."

You hear some pretty fantastic stories in my line of work. 

CLICK to learn about a one Dr. Drobkin.

Trust me. He's really not all that interesting.

Hey, Now!

It was a bumpy, curvy ride. I didn't complain.

"Wherever" isn't much for the driver to go on.

Well, he sure knows how to grab a pussy!

He wanted to go to the Village. I took him. You're Welcome, world.

Even Donald didn't want to grab this pussy!

So, you've been Trumped!

"I 'boned' Donald Trump!"

He has his hand up my tailpipe!

"I don't wear it in public. Or, when I'm being recorded." 

(Opps! I had the dashcam still turned on!)

Upon more than an occasion I see some action from "THAT" part of town. 

He said his name was David S. Pumpkins. Look him up.

They had a "Green Party" going on back there!

We got a flat. He fixed it.

Didn't give me much to go on. Just, away from the nihilists!

Bad Hombre.

His ball shined like "Cats Nuts". Not the sort to mess with though.

The night of the revenge of the consumer icons.

Of all the towns. Of all the cabs. Of all the cabs in all the towns, she had to get in mine ... the ex-wife.

"What's up?" I asked.

"You took me for a ride once, I figure another spin might do me some good," she said.

"But, why now?" I wondered aloud.

"Hair of the dog sort of thing, you know," was her come back. (Never shy with the come back, that one.)

I started with a dig into low gear. "Hope you'll get some satisfaction ... this time."

"Just what is that supposed to mean. Tell me!!!" was her shrill rejoinder as the tires screeched.

"Well, as I recall, your mother ... "

"That's so you!!! Don't go there!!!" she screamed interrupting me mid sentence..

And, off we went on our way. Down that same old road.

He was quite distraught. (He and Angie are kaput, you might have heard.) 

To cheer him up I used that old one, "There are plenty more fish in the sea". 

He said, "Yah, but it's not just the smell I miss."

"Take me anywhere in the world. Just, not west."

The whole ride he murmured quietly to himself ...  

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't."

I asked, "So, doll face, were'd you get that necklace?"

"I have a connection at the Montclair Farmers Market."

_____________________________

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Taxi Dave Norm MacDonald

Taxi Dave Ex-Wife

Of all the towns. Of all the cabs. Of all the cabs in all the towns, she had to get in mine ... the ex-wife.

"What's up?" I asked.

"You took me for a ride once, I figure another spin might do me some good," she said.

"But, why now?" I wondered aloud.

"Hair of the dog sort of thing, you know," was her come back. (Never shy with the come back, that one.)

I started with a dig into low gear. "Hope you'll get some satisfaction ... this time."

"Just what is that supposed to mean. Tell me!!!" was her shrill rejoinder as the tires screeched.

"Well, as I recall, your mother ... "

"That's so you!!! Don't go there!!!" she screamed interrupting me mid sentence..


And, off we went on our way. Down that same old road.

Taxi Dave Devil

He made quite an impression. Quoting Beelzebub with his blistering breath verbatim, that doyen of the deepest dark, that ruler and dean of the most dastardly cohorts of depravity, that prince of all that blasphemes the every smallest good thing . . . 

This is what he said: 

"You want to know what hell is? I'll tell you, boy!" 

"Hell is a place where NOBODY knows your name, or gives a good f**k anyway. And, where EVERYBODY you see has YOUR FACE." 

"Holy Cow!" I blurted out. 

And then this capper comes from Satan's hot lips, "That's right, Sonny. And, that's on a GOOD day!"

"Gee wiz!" I nervously murmured.

"And . . . Now YOU belong to ME!!!" demanded Satan with all the haughty confidence only such a damnable deceiver could muster.

I am anything if not on my toes.  And, not to be trifled or messed with. 

I yelled right back, "Get out of my cab you damned, melodramatic red mother f**ker!!! I have a choice where my soul's concerned. Now get!!! 

Yelling at him as he beat his hasty retreat: "TIPSCH PSA CREF HOLETTA, YASNI PIORUN CHAZ. GODDAM SONOFABITCH!!!" (That there is an old world, full blooded expletive which is in fact so rude no one fluent in the Polish tongue even knows what it means.)

Taxi Dave 2016 Drobkin Fart

You hear some fantastic stories in my line of work. 

Take, for example, the miserable tale of a one Dr. Drobkin.

Dr. Drobkin is a world famous authority in a highly specialized field of cardiology. He had received his undergraduate degree, his medical degree, and his PhD in his hometown. After that he was practicing as a research doctor at the highest level in New York.

A while ago he wrote a significant paper and had been invited to deliver the paper at a conference, which by coincidence was in his hometown. 

He is called to the dais. The room is full of distinguished personages; the men wearing tuxedos, the women properly attired for such an august event. Dr. Dropkin approaches the dais and puts his papers on the lectern. As he’s about to give his talk, suddenly the papers all slide down to the floor. He bends over to pick them up, and as he does his tuckus is against the microphone. And at the very wrong moment, he lets one ride. It reverberates around the room, magnified by the microphone.

Somehow he regains his composure and delivers the paper. No sooner is he done but he grabs everything up and makes a quick exit through a rear door, vowing never to come back to the town again.

Many years pass, his mother is on in years and he has to go back to town to care for her. He does so under the name Dr. Cohen. He makes a reservation at the local Hyatt under that name and gets there under cover of darkness. As he checks into the hotel, a bright eyed and bushy tailed room clerk says, “Good evening Dr. Cohen, have you ever been in our town before?”

The doctor says, “Yes, as a matter of fact, young man, I grew up here and I got my education here; got my undergraduate, my doctorate, and my medical degrees at the university and I moved away.”

The young man asks, “So why haven’t you been here for so long?”

“Well, a number of years ago a very embarrassing thing happened here, and I just didn’t feel I could come back and face the people in the town.”

The young man says, “Doctor, far be it for me, a young stripling, to advise a distinguished older gentleman such as you. But, if I can give you anything from my experience in my young life, things that I thought were embarrassing and people noticed, I later found out that nobody even knew that they happened. And I’m sure that’s probably true about the thing you think is so embarrassing.”

The doctor says, “No, I doubt that anyone has forgotten what happened.”

The young man says, “Well, was it a long time ago?”

“Yes, it was a very long time ago.”

 “Was it before the Drobkin fart, or after?”

CLICK to see all the other passengers.

Taxi Dave Norm MacDonald

Often I get into conversations with my passengers. Some truly intimate, heart wrenching stories ...

"My wife is in a coma."

Me: "So sad to hear that."

"Then the doctor tells me ..."There's one way to wake her up, but it's a little unconventional. You go in there and you have oral sex with her. I've seen it work."

So I go in there and come out after about 5 minutes.

"Doc, she's choking."

CLICK to see all the other passengers.

Taxi Dave 2016 All Entries

TAXI DAVE 2016

"Hey, YOU! VOTE! [FOR ME!]"

What to do when you don't approve either candidate's message?

They said they wanted to "go to town". It was a figure of speech. 

Seems to be feelin' the Bern.

Quite a story. CLICK to read.

Man of mystery. Felt like we were being followed.

You just have accommodate a friend.

We made record time. I ate it all up cleaning the back. He sheds.

"Take me to Trump Tower. Make it snappy." Shall I take the bridge?

There you go whipping out that Mexican thing again!

Immersed in popular culture. Not something to take pride in.

He said he was going to "entertain" at a kid's birthday party.

Enough with the Cowbell already!

"Life is a carousel. And the sun is a scoop of ice cream"

Often I get into conversations with my passengers. Some truly intimate, heart wrenching stories ...

"My wife is in a coma."

Me: "So sad to hear that."

"Then the doctor tells me ..."There's one way to wake her up, but it's a little unconventional. You go in there and you have oral sex with her. I've seen it work."

So I go in there and come out after about 5 minutes.

"Doc, she's choking."

You hear some pretty fantastic stories in my line of work. 

CLICK to learn about a one Dr. Drobkin.

Trust me. He's really not all that interesting.

Hey, Now!

It was a bumpy, curvy ride. I didn't complain.

"Wherever" isn't much for the driver to go on.

Well, he sure knows how to grab a pussy!

He wanted to go to the Village. I took him. You're Welcome, world.

Even Donald didn't want to grab this pussy!

So, you've been Trumped!

"I 'boned' Donald Trump!"

He has his hand up my tailpipe!

"I don't wear it in public. Or, when I'm being recorded." 

(Opps! I had the dashcam still turned on!)

Upon more than an occasion I see some action from "THAT" part of town. 

He said his name was David S. Pumpkins. Look him up.

They had a "Green Party" going on back there!

We got a flat. He fixed it.

Didn't give me much to go on. Just, away from the nihilists!

Bad Hombre.

His ball shined like "Cats Nuts". Not the sort to mess with though.

The night of the revenge of the consumer icons.

Of all the towns. Of all the cabs. Of all the cabs in all the towns, she had to get in mine ... the ex-wife.

"What's up?" I asked.

"You took me for a ride once, I figure another spin might do me some good," she said.

"But, why now?" I wondered aloud.

"Hair of the dog sort of thing, you know," was her come back. (Never shy with the come back, that one.)

I started with a dig into low gear. "Hope you'll get some satisfaction ... this time."

"Just what is that supposed to mean. Tell me!!!" was her shrill rejoinder as the tires screeched.

"Well, as I recall, your mother ... "

"That's so you!!! Don't go there!!!" she screamed interrupting me mid sentence..

And, off we went on our way. Down that same old road.

He was quite distraught. (He and Angie are kaput, you might have heard.) 

To cheer him up I used that old one, "There are plenty more fish in the sea". 

He said, "Yah, but it's not just the smell I miss."

"Take me anywhere in the world. Just, not west."

The whole ride he murmured quietly to himself ...  

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't."

I asked, "So, doll face, were'd you get that necklace?"

"I have a connection at the Montclair Farmers Market."

_____________________________

CLICK to see more Taxi Dave from 2014

Taxi Dave Norm MacDonald