Aristocrats ... First!


Three missionaries — a Catholic priest, a Rabbi, and a Buddhist — are working zealously to convert a fierce isolated native tribe in the remotest jungle. 

After some time spent trying to get the natives to convert to their respective religions, the chief gets fed up with the lot of them and has his warriors apprehend them.

The chief turns first to the Rabbi and says, “You have offended me and my people with this religious nonsense. You are wasting our time and are distracting my people from important duties of hunting and collecting food. You have two choices: Death …. or the Aristocrats.”

The rabbi says, “Well, I’m certainly not ready to die . . . and, while I don’t know who these Aristocrats are, I’ll take the Aristocrats.

Instantly, thirty of the fiercest warriors in the tribe come running over, each one more fierce and stronger than the next. One by one they begin violating the rabbi in the most heinous and unspeakable ways. This goes on for hours. And, finally, the rabbi is left in a heap, completely wasted. Just a small step away from his death.

The chief then turns to the Catholic priest and says, “Okay, now it’s your turn. Do you choose death ... or the Aristocrats?”

The Catholic priest says, “Well, I’m no stranger to this sort of abuse, I have to atone . . . let it be the Aristocrats.”

Again, the warriors come racing out. And again, they decimate the unfortunate priest in the most vile and depraved fashion. Hours pass. But eventually, it’s finally over. The priest is left unconscious and unrecognizable. But, alive.

Lastly, the chief turns to the Buddhist, who is understandably repulsed by what he has just witnessed. “Now it is your turn,” says the Chief. “Which do you prefer, death ... or the Aristocrats?”

The Buddhist responds, “I believe we are here on this earth for a short time, and a little extra life means nothing to me. I have just witnessed a horrible, unspeakable spectacle, and I would rather die and keep my dignity than to choose life at the cost of hours of inhumane torture and humiliation. All is illusory and transient anyway . . . I choose death.”

The chief nods. “I understand and accept your decision. You are a brave man, and I grant you your wish. You are hereby sentenced to death.”


“But first ... the Aristocrats!”



But, first ... the Aristocrats!