Personalized Assistance for Balanced Living
Rolf Structural Integration

Imagine your whole body noticeably easy, light, fluid, lively. Moving with power, presence, and grace. Balanced, symmetrical, effortlessly upright.

These are some benefits of Rolf Structural Integration. It is unique in its main goal to improve the makeup of the body in respect to the dictates of gravity vertical and symmetrical.
This approach offers benefits to people of all ages and backgrounds and various levels of physical ability.
Structural Integration has a reputation for quick results in releasing chronic pains and stress. It also brings so much more to the quality of one's life:

· For those seeking top physical performance.

· For cultivating full creative expressiveness.

· For children, a life lesson for balanced living and staying healthy.

· For anyone who wants to REALLY LIVE!

The process is formatted into 10 weekly sessions, each an hour long. It is guided by structural anatomical goals, a unique set of goals for each session. There is gentle, sculptural manipulation of the soft connective tissues and movement education. The work is tailored to each client. Homework practice is often given.

Structural Integration is peerless and definitive in its own right. It can also be an important accelerator to whatever else you may already be doing.  It greatly enhances physical activities: for example, Yoga, Pilates, sports, gymnastics, dance. It is complementary to appropriate medical attention and other therapies.

If you want definitive core balance for yourself or for a child in your care, please call for an appointment.

Full information is available at 

This is the gospel of Rolfing: When the body gets working appropriately, the force of gravity can flow through. Then, spontaneously, the body heals itself 
The Originator, Dr. Ida P. Rolf

You Are Invited !!!

Health Festival and Open House

New Jersey Center for Healthy Living

Saturday, May 5th   11am - 4PM


 Valuable Gift Bags          Mother’s Day Specials     Tai Chi Chih Workshop

 Food Tasting       Organic Gardening Tips     “Veggiecation” for Kids

 Salt Lamp ~ Healing Crystals ~ Jewelry

Raffles and Much More!!!

Meet Local Wellness Practitioners 


Free Admission

292 Bloomfield Avenue in Montclair  -  2nd Floor

P: (973)746-6191                        

Spiritual Teachers

Beginning on the spiritual path is something you do not choose. It chooses you. You cannot even will it. It happens eternally, and when it does. A certain readiness, and the door opens. When it does open, the teacher appears. And, when that door opens, you will most certainly enter. Never to return, and never to have left.

The words of the Masters are there as encouragement and reminders and guideposts when one enters upon that narrow, but straight Path.

An early Christian mystic wrote, "The Path of Love is like a bridge of hair across a chasm of fire." Thanks to Irina Tweedie for sharing that in her autobiographical book, Chasm of Fire.

Colorful Associations

Just outside our front door there is a little cluster of yellow daffodils surrounded at their base with a profusion of vivid blue violets.

It brings back the memory of my first meeting with a true Guru (spiritual teacher), Swami Muktananda Paramahansa. At the time I was in training to become a Certified Rolfer® with the Rolf Institute of Structural Integration. There was a special day event at the Siddha Yoga ashram in Upstate New York designed for people in the creative fields. Baba Muktananda was very pointed in his talk. Meditate.

Meditation opens the door to creativity. Baba had the knack in his public talks to speak to each one in his audience directly and personally. I was very impressed when he exhorted us to meditate, (I paraphrase) Meditate if you are an artist, meditate if you are a dancer, meditate if you are a Rolfer. You can't get any more literal than that.

And his advice has born fruit. I soon realized in my private professional practice that meditation was an essential to keep me centered what with all the impressions that can show up when you are engaged with a client in an intimate transformational process of change. (Meditation is so much more than about unlocking your creative potential, but the subject of creativity was what drew me.)

There came a time in the program where I had the chance to have Baba's darshan, a face to face meeting. As I waited in my place in line I had this insight that what was also happening was that I was entering a sacred place within my own heart. My prayer in that moment was that God would look after the family from whom I had recently been separated.

I had been told that Baba had a reputation for liking hats, so I brought one as a gift. It was a bright blue baseball hat with lightening bolts flashing on either side.

Traditionally Swami Muktanada greeted each visitor with a brush of a wand of peacock feathers. When my turn came I presented the cap. No response. He was busy looking everywhere but in my direction. I shook the cap a bit; still no notice. Then I very vigorously shook the cap in front of him. Remember, the intention was to have my prayer for my family offered and received. I was very earnest. He turned to me with eyes way wide open and mouth agape. My eyes closed and I felt a very deft pass of those peacock feathers on one side of my head, and then on the other. The mind fell silent.

As I said, the intention of my meeting was to offer a prayer to God. Under the hat I had three shards of ocean sand-smoothed green glass that my two daughters gave me after some beach combing on Coney Island. I wrapped them in a small precious piece of purple paper handmade from banana peels. I did not show Baba the little package, but left it along with the hat at his feet.

The nature of Darshan is mysterious. It is a Sanskrit term meaning "sight." It is a meeting between disciple and Guru. It is an event in consciousness. You can get to see yourself in a deeper, more insightful way.

It was a fleeting impression but clear nonetheless. I felt guilty about surreptitiously giving him that little package. Guilty. Aha! I saw in that moment of grace something that had been operating in me, coloring my consciousness. I was holding myself as guilty. Just to let it go. It is said that you only truly give to yourself. I trusted that the prayer for protection for my loved ones was received, loud and clear. I also received the gift of an important insight. Not a pleasant one, that I was holding on to guilt; but a necessary one. When you approach the Divine, you always get what you need. What you want, that's another thing. They say if you want to get what you want, want what you got. 

Swami Muktananda wrote many books. One is titled "Getting Rid of What You Don't Have." Guilt: self-imposed/created, therefore self-surrendered. See through the unreality of the self-created that rule your life.

Some years later at the ashram I spotted a young boy wearing what looked to be that very cap. It took my breath away.

And, today, some beautiful yellow daffodils and blue violets.

Thank you, Baba.

God does work in myterious ways . . .


The force of gravity is a prime ecological fact.

Its constant downward pull is so ever present it goes unnoticed.

The demands of gravity on the human body are the same as for any physical structure on Earth.

Plumb and square.

Gravity is definitely with you.

The question is, are you with it?

The answer: cum se cum sa.

As a species humankind has yet to fully live into its design potential for verticality/uprightness in the makeup of the body.

This usual condition is also so widespread and common, it too goes unnoticed.

We often mistake what’s normal for what’s usual.

Nevertheless, there is an ineluctable relationship between the organization of the human body and the action of gravity.

Gravity is not going away.

We ignore the message of gravity to our own limitation and detriment.

The vertical line of the body and the vertical line of gravity are meant to match up.

It is obvious from basic Anatomical science and Physics that it is in the cards for humans to realize the call of its species to cooperate with the dictates of the gravitational force.

In a very real sense we are, every one of use, constantly and daily throughout our lifetimes engaged in a learning realationship to gravity.

Dr. Ida P. Rolf orginated Structural Integration.

It is a transformation to a consciously engaged relationship to the energy field of the earth.

Dr. Rolf saw this unique approach to health and well-being as a step in the evolutionary process, for humans to become fully adapted to earth’s energy field and living in harmony with the dictates of that gravitational force.

She exhorted, “Consign your body to gravity.”

In other words, consciously decide to realize the possibility of living with your body surrendered to the support of the gravity environment.

No holding on. Fully supported. Energized. Easy. Present. Powerful. Graceful. Capable.

Imagine human beings adapted ecologically to the force of gravity much in the same way fish are adapted to their watery environment.

Imagine, if land life emerged from the sea, what great evolutionary leap is possible for humankind from the constraints of gravity?

This is nothing more than a firm grasp of the obvious.

It should make sense.

But, it takes some doing to get there.

There is choice in this matter.

Hear the wake-up call to put yourself on the growth track to live into your natural potential for truly balanced living.

Balance in the arrangement of the body is a foundation.

Balance means top physical performance.

Balance means full creative expressiveness.

Balance means just plain living well.

Balance is its own reward.

Balance is self evident.

Rolf Structural Integration is not at all necessary.

It does, however, represent peerless and definitive assistance to speed your progress.

Decide for balance.

Get with gravity.


Rolfing New Jersey
Rolfer New Jersey
Structural Integration New Jersey
Rolfing Montclair, New Jersey
Rolfer Montclair, New Jersey
Structural Integration Montclair, New Jersey

I had a friend and colleague who would charmingly answer the telephone, “Tele-psyche.”

Which gets one to thinking . . .

Swami Muktananda said, “Psychic powers merely sweep the path of a great being.”

By “sweep the path” I understand that the right way to deal with so-called psychic impressions is to completely and ruthlessly ignore them. And, by doing this, you reinforce your stance in the present moment. Thus, the Path asks you not to distract yourself with the temptation to frame your living reality in some higher order, exotic or rarified narrative. And, to eschew doing this to others, whether it be motivated by the greatest intentions or merely to make a buck.

It is very tempting to see the world in terms of deeper or higher meanings. But life is not something that you can grasp intellectually. The Reality of It is, direct, and ineffable. To frame it conceptually is to perpetuate a dream. Howsoever beautiful, it is nonetheless a dream.

Now, to wake up.


Or, I'm gonna to put a spell on you . . .

Einstein on Energy

The human energy field is designed to align with the energy field of the earth. That is, the center line of the body by design is meant to cohere with the line of gravity.

In this respect Rolf Structural Integration is grounded in both Anatomical Science and Physics.
Quite Possibly the Very Best Condiment of All

We won't belabor the point. Just to let you know that grated prepared fresh horseradish mixed together with grated or rubbed beets 1:2 proportion is a flavor marriage that goes back way into the mists of prerecorded history.

Buy some of each and mix together at home. Proportion according to taste.

Try a heaping dollop on a half of a hard cooked egg. It's the gateway to the world of beets and horseradish.

The Rider Song

From the Movie The Proposition
Both Written by Nick Cave

'When?' said the moon to the stars in the sky
'Soon' said the wind that followed them all

'Who?' said the cloud that started to cry
'Me' said the rider as dry as a bone

'How?' said the sun that melted the ground
and 'Why?' said the river that refused to run

and 'Where?' said the thunder without a sound
'Here' said the rider and took up his gun

'No' said the stars to the moon in the sky
'No' said the trees that started to moan

'No' said the dust that blunted its eyes
'Yes' said the rider as white as a bone

'No' said the moon that rose from his sleep
'No' said the cry of the dying sun

'No' said the planet as it started to weep
'Yes' said the rider and laid down his gun    
Would It Kill You to Wave Hello, and Smile?

A few years back we owned land in the remote Colorado mountain town of Crestone, Colorado. Crestone is 13 miles off the main North-South 2-lane Highway 17 from Moffat. To the east is the Rio Grande National Forest with the spectacular Sangre de Cristo Mountains. The Great Sand Dunes National Park lies just to the south. The nearest large town is Alamosa, Colorado, 40 miles south as the crow flies.

Crestone is a New Age kind of place and a short 215 mile hop to the New Age Capital of the Universe, Boulder, Colorado. Boulder has been described as 26 square miles surrounded by reality. Just kidding, a great town. Peace and Love, ya'll.

The thing we remember so vividly about Crestone, Colorado is how when you are driving around the area people you encounter in oncoming cars wave and smile. Not just an urban wan raised hand, but a hearty flapping of the phalanges. And a general civility and friendliness among the townsfolk is also a common sight.

So we got to wondering. What if we imported this practice to our home town? If you live in or near an large urban center you will probably notice these days a certain rather cool deportment among the citizenry. For example, in our upscale suburban town of Montclair, New Jersey people at the local Whole Foods move about with their shopping as if they don't see anyone else. Now you know that everybody is checking everybody out. But, they don't show it. It's now only six years since we moved here that the shop clerks in places we frequent give any nod of recognition. And, too often, when they do it there's not much life in it.

Is the world so much with us these days and taking so much of our energy and attention that the common courtesies of living among our fellows are now becoming a quaint memory? Do we settle for an arms length of friends on Facebook. I don't know if some of my social network friends who live in my town would even take the bother to say hello if we met on the street. (But, come to think of it, based on some of my comments, I can see why they might not. We live in a world where we are one Tweet away from social ostracism.)

Also wondering a lot about all those kids raised to not talk to strangers. Did anyone tell them that when they grow up it's alright to interact in public? All those poker faces on the street. Whew! Stop the world, I want to get off.

If you're the sort that is so hell bent to get to your next thing, only narrowly committing your attention to whatever prosperity project you have your sights set on, then let me pull over as I saunter down the street enjoying the view in the moment so that I don't slow you down as you whizz by racing to be first to the next red light. (Are you a "Red Light Racer" dodging and ducking through traffic to be the first to that red light up ahead? We don't want to introduce an inconvenient truth here; but, fella, you're going to die. Is your life about racing to that ultimate finish? The one with the most miles under his belt is the winner? Or, have you been so taken up with your quotidian busyness that you haven't even broached that question?) 

Just, hey bub, could you give us a wave, mate as you pass on by? Would it kill you to wave a howdy and smile?

We are suggesting that we all join a club together. It's called "Say Hello . . .  (insert your city name here)". You join by simple assent then pass this idea on to your neighbors and friends. It'll catch on like wild fire and before long you'll be living in a smiling, sociable town.


Originally posted online in 2004 in AN ECLECTICON OF HOLISTIC HARRY (Where Nothing Is Sacred)

Jesus and Buddha

What’s the Difference?

I first wrote this during Lent 2004. You know, that time between pączki and flashing skin at Mardi Gras and when the colored eggs magically appear in all the nooks and crannies around the yard. This version is slightly edited with deepened insights and recent developments. Jokes, too.

In 2004, that year Mr. Mel Gibson’s latest movie The Passion of the Christ kicked off the Lenten season. And almost everyone by now knows that it had created a whole lot of debate. Not to mention a few dollars, too. What was he thinking? A family movie? As David Denby wrote in the New Yorker Magazine, “Jesus said, ‘Suffer the little children to come unto me,’ not ‘Let the little children watch me suffer.’ ” Frank Rich in the NY Times called the movie a "sadomasochistic gorefest".

This is not a movie review. I’d like to give Mel Gibson some credit, however. [Yes. Credit. Even though he has since then moved on up and added public displays of racism and misogyny to his resume.] By my lights, and setting aside whether you agree or disagree with his portrayal or his Christology, I appreciate a healthy general debate on religion itself.

My hope is that the conversation opens to a discussion on what’s at the heart of religion, and not just be something to appropriate by someone seeking to win some narrow sectarian argument or co-opting it to gain a political prize. Or, shamelessly burnishing a public image with a reputation of sanctimony and goodness. I am all for goodness; saintliness, even. But, goodness gracious, not as a branding device. An old car sales dog I once knew had this sage advice, “Ya know how to tell if their lying? Their lips are moving.” [Completely unrelated, I am sure, watch Oprah on OWN network.]

It is at their heart that I find a great deal of unity among religions, even though, on the surface, there seems to be a lot of separation.

My take (hope?) is that Mel’s movie has boldly triggered the “dangerous” theme of religion itself into our stridently secular, cultural conversation. Secular, as in “Did you have a good Christmas? Get everything you wanted?” “Are you ready for Easter? Nice decorations at Michaels at the mall. There’s a sale on!” I am interested in living into the holistic worldview for myself and offer my expertise as a professional to those who would also want that for themselves. Religion fits.

Religion (also, read spirituality) is concerned with everything that is, the whole enchilada; as opposed to only those things we can get our hands on (read science/technology). [Then there's Scientology. A complete got-the-world-on-a-string package. Or, Madonna and her Kaballa, and their little red string.] I see it as a plus to be confronted to consider the big life questions: Who am I? What is this? Where did I come from? Where am I going? For what purpose? Don’t look at Reality TV for any of those answers. (Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Temptation Island! The Bachelor. Ya, sure.) [A personal aside: I’m working on a TV project with some of my show biz buddies. It’s called “Who’s Got My Divot? It’s about bald celebrities and patches of grass. That’s all I can reveal at this time. And there’ll be a real mind blowing twist at the end of the 20-week run. So far, the pilot is green lights as far as I can see. Even Trump is on board. Tune in.]

Returning: I don’t know if Mr. G had what I’m talking about in his mind for his controversial project, but I can make my own point even if I don’t spend $25 million to produce this article. [For my appreciative and supportive readers, send only checks and money orders. In-kind contributions also accepted. I don't want much. Only, let it have taste and quality.]

Just to clarify a bit more, my hope is to see this conversation shift to a higher level. In the so called culture wars that may be a part of what now seems to be 24/7 political campaigning, the issue of religion could be appropriated only for political advantage to score points with potential voters by hanging that subject on some hot button issues. The real nugget could be overlooked. I am personally interested in making a religious orientation a part of the fabric of my life and support others who choose to do the same. So what is a religious orientation to life, anyway?

If you are a reader of books I highly recommend Why Religion Matters by Huston Smith. This is not about going to church on Sunday or whatever other observance you follow or the set of words and names unique to your religion. It is about the significance of the spiritual side of things; how in the current climate in our society the sphere of religion is marginalized to the sidelines in our mass/mad dash to a promise of a scientific and technological future of more, better, and different; and, as he so eloquently makes the case, why religion matters. Read the book.

Then, of course, there’s Jesus. If Henny Youngman

I am not attempting to author the definitive exegesis. Just my own view.

Here it is: Jesus is a Buddhist.

Whoa, Ho, Whoa! Now before you take the heat off Mr. Mel and put it on me, let me s’plain, Lucy. The Buddha saw deeply into things and handed down teachings about the nature of suffering and the possibility for freedom from suffering. (Thank you, Buddha!) The key to this freedom is the practice of detachment, surrender. In that practice we free ourselves from our unnecessary involvements with the illusory nature of the world; most particularly, suffering. Here’s a mind teaser for you: Do we experience suffering, or do we suffer experience? I believe it was The Buddha who put it as, “All is suffering.” My go-to teacher, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, (in I Am That… the last book you will ever read) asserts the latter; indeed, we suffer experience. Read the book.

The message of the cross is the same in this respect, I believe. Only, if Jesus transcended pain and suffering—saw through it—is he the real deal? You get to decide that for yourself. [I pray for you.] Bear your cross lightly. I see his crucifixion as his highest testament: “YES!” Not defeated and resigned to enduring the worst kind of torture. But, seeing through it. Accepting. Yes!

A long time ago at my EST training (yes, I’m one of those) I learned about how, if you fully experience something, it disappears. See for yourself. Don’t just believe it, do it. You’ll see for yourself. Take heart in seeing Jesus as accepting his karma and sacrificing his own personal sense of self to demonstrate the possibility for all. His realization and sacrifice also earned enough grace/merit for humankind in all the three times—past, present, and future—that all’s you got to do is live into his example, follow his advice: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” “Forgive.” “Let it go.” Cause when you let it go, isn’t it gone? I’m not much impressed for overlarge professions of faith and histrionic acceptings of Jesus, as such. Looks good on paper perhaps, but in the work place it’s still dog eat dog. On the highway, too. It’s time to walk the talk, pardner.

I recently attended a talk by a Tibetan Buddhist teacher who suggested that it is beneficial to develop a loving compassion toward oneself and all others. He further said that in order to open one’s heart you have to also open your mind. Now we’re talking real religion. Would Jesus disagree with that advice?

When I was a boy there was a crucifix with a life-sized figure of Jesus staring down at me every day at Mass. I was sincere lad but not a little goody, goody. We were compelled by the good Sisters to attend services daily before school. In fact (a little confession) I myself was the subject of a Sunday sermon on how a boy should not behave. I’ll leave it to your imagination what could possibly have prompted our pastor to use this kid as an example of a bad attitude and how that affected my psyche. Talk about a guilt trip. Where was PeeWee Herman when I needed him…”I know you are, pastor, but what about me?” [I was guilty of speaking my mind a little too freely in front of my elders; Pastor Alexander, in that most memorable instance.] On top of that I used to imagine whether, if I were in Jesus’ shoes (sandals, really), how would I deal with such torture and pain. In short, no way. More guilt. Seeing my own cowardice and weakness in this fantasy only made me feel all the more unworthy.

Now that I’m a committed meditator and have developed a glimpse at detachment myself, I can appreciate Jesus’ sacrifice in a whole new light. Could I/would I walk in his shoes. Still, no way; please, Lord. But I am not, we are not, asked to live in any shoes other than our own. So no good Christian should go on suffering. Nor Buddhist. Jew. Hindu. Muslim. Nor the rest. As for you atheists out there, you’re gonna get yours. Suffering, pain… give it up! Swami Muktananda’s said as much in his book entitled, Getting Rid of What You Haven’t Got.

I’m not here to tell you more on the spiritual life, as such. There are books and teachers enough. Regard this as encouragement to practice whatever path you are on. Further, if you’re not on a spiritual path, what are you on? Medication? Busy figuring out what to put on your next pizza? Racing to be first at the next red light? Tweeting with that world class “winner” Charlie Sheen?

So, just walk your talk. Get some religion. Practice makes perfect. Saying that pain and suffering are illusions may be true. But when you’re a-hurtin’, words-only may not be useful. The trick is to practice, and practice, and practice. And start ASAP. As they say, “Don’t wait until the house is on fire before you start digging the well.’ Grace is real. Take some. All you want. You don’t have to ask your doctor, I promise.

"Be Here Now" in ordinary conversation seems to have become a piece of toss-out jargon, the kind of thing you might want to put on a bumper sticker. I once recommended Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) to a young fellow I know, and he brushed the subject aside with a "I have that on my book shelf". As the Church Lady says, "Well, isn't that special". The idea my dear young friend is to get it off the bookshelf and etch it on your bones. (I realize that there is some judgementalness in this recollection. If the shoe fits, you'll wear it. And, for the record, I am not concerned whether he or anyone else takes up this practice. It is enough for me to go there.)

But, the Present Moment is the master key. If you take the trouble to do it. Trouble? Well, at first, it may look like trouble. For to be in that Present Moment you have to let go of past things and future concerns. N'est–ce pas? It takes courage to enter the Present Moment. From the perspective of the past and the future it seems unknown and fearful. Just to stress, where else could you be but the Present Moment? The past is over, the future not yet. Free your mind. Let's meet in the middle.

I'm also thinking about how the Cross figures into this conversation. If you are a fundamental type thinker then, of course, the Cross is the wooden device what our Lord was crucified on. There's symbolism there too. Thing in terms of the vertical upright segment, and the horizontal, level one. In Oriental Qi Gung there is the concepts, pre-natal and post natal. Pre-natal refers to the Source of things. Post-natal, already happened things; that is, the created world. The post-natal orientation is the worldly, the mundane; past and future. The pre-natal refers to the Source of things, the creative, the yet to happen, the possible, the transcendent; you find that in the Present Moment, don't you know. The art of living is to find oneself at the intersection of these two directions. That I would say is the heart, the center of balance.

The World is Too Much With Us
by William Wordsworth 

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God!  I'd rather be
A pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.

Let's leave it with Meister Eckhart…”What good is it to me for the Creator to give birth to His Son if I do not also give birth to Him in my time and my culture?”

To Jesus on His Birthday
By Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)

For this your mother sweated in the cold,
For this you bled upon the bitter tree:
A yard of tinsel ribbon bought and sold;
A paper wreath; a day at home for me.
The merry bells ring out, the people kneel;
Up goes the man of God before the crowd;
With voice of honey and with eyes of steel
He drones your humble gospel to the proud.
Nobody listens. Less than the wind that blows
Are all your words to us you died to save.
O Prince of Peace! O Sharon's dewy Rose!
How mute you lie within your vaulted grave.
The stone the angel rolled away with tears
Is back upon your mouth these thousand years

Thank you all. Thank you Mel. Thank you Buddha. Thank you, Jesus. I believe in love. And I believe in forgiveness. I believe in you.

PS What’s this talk about anti-Semitism? (Mel Gibson, and now that most flaming fashionista and j'accused anti-semite, John Galliano) If you said to any half intelligent person that Jesus’ death was instrumental in the redemption of humankind for which we should be deeply grateful, then what should be our logical attitude toward the people who where supposedly also there for that event? [News flash: Pope Benedict the XVI has just recently exonerated the Jews in the matter of Jesus’ death. Finally!] And, to button it up, aren’t we all of us instrumental in crucifying Jesus all over again whenever we fail to love one another?

I am also smilingly remembering Mr. Myron Cohen, a Borsht Belt era entertainer I used to see on the Ed Sullivan show Sunday evenings. He once on network TV confronted his critics who charged him with being anti-Semitic. “Anti-Semitic?” he asked. “Anti-Semitic?” And then, “But, I am Semitic!”

Now that I’m on to the Jews. [Yes, you Jews, I am on to you.] Take the Jews. Please.

No, but really…

What is a Jew, anyway? Isn’t “Yaweh” the name of God in the Hebrew Bible? Let’s break it down… Yaweh… Yaweh-ish… Yaw-ish... Jew-ish. Does anybody else see the connection? I say, that to be a Jew, is to be… god-like. And can’t we all be that? Aren’t we all, that? What’s this about anti-Semitism. So we’re all semitic! Literally, maybe not so much. But, figuratively, quite so. We be all wandering in search of our true home.

Happy trails.

God’s speed.

Try to be a mensch. (And, not a schmuck.)

This old Jewish lady comes back from her doctor check up. She says to her husband, Sammy, who’s engrossed in his newspaper at the kitchen table, “So, Sammy, you vant to know vat the doctor said about my brrreasts?” Sammy, showing the only slightest bit of interest and barely looking away from the paper, says, “Vat!” “The doctor said I have the brrreasts of a sixteen year old!” Now, here was his chance to level his proud bride, “And, vat did he say about your eighty year old ass?” After a small pause (wait for it), this curt come back, “Ve didn’t talk about you!”

Two men drinking together at a bar. One is Chinese, the other Jewish. After a few tilts the Jewish fellow punches the Chinese guy in the jaw, knocking him down. “Hey, what was that for? Huh?” “It was for Pearl Harbor!” “Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese, not the Chinese!” “Japanese, Chinese… what’s the difference?” That seemed to end it and, after things settled back and a few more tilts, the Chinese man punches his Jewish friend, also knocking him down. “Hey, what the heck was that for?” “That was for the Titanic!” “The Titanic? That was an iceberg!” “Iceberg, Greenberg; what’s the difference.”

A man is walking down the street looking for a shop to have his broken watch repaired. There’s a store with a big clock in the window and he goes in. He says to the proprietor that he is there to have his watch repaired. The proprietor, somewhat perplexed, informs the customer that he is a Mohel, specially trained to officiate at the circumcision rite in the Jewish tradition. The even more perplexed man with the watch says, “But, you have a clock in the window?” The Mohel counters, “What would you put in the window?”

You know how there are things we say to one another that pretty much amount to what’s called “social grease.” How ya doin? What’s Up? How are you? How do you do? [On that last one, Groucho would say, “Well I haven’t had any complaints lately.”] The mot of the moment, Wassup? I am my father’s son and have a thrown urge to see such things as an opening to tell my life story. But, in fact, as you know, it’s just a way to toss something of an acknowledgement out there without any real expectation of a reply any more detailed than the usual fine, thank you. But I like to mix it up a bit. When I am feeling particularly Christian, I respond with that topper of all toppers, I am blessed. If I am feeling really frisky, I’ll add a Praise the Lord and a Thank you, Jesus. Who's the man? When my Jewish gene is dominant, my retort is---think Jackie Mason---Ech, how should I feel?