Let me tell you a little about Cousin Stash. One Stanislav Sexoszcievich Machonatchikevitch Wronski.
He not only embodies the legendary and unparalleled Wronski kavorka, he is the poster boy within the clan itself for such powers of attraction. I don't know how it's said in the native tongue, but "Chick Magnet" pretty much sums him up. His Dad once had the bright idea to make some money if he could just find a way to bottle that sexual essence for mass consumption. Alas, it was just his own thing. Probably for the better.
Well, not just one sexy dude. He had a brief but brilliant career as a Tadeusz Koลciuszko impersonator. And, an even more brief time on the charts with his eponymously titled best seller album, "Stash ...I'm All That!" The photo above is scant testimony to his attraction as a singer, and ... as a man. And, by scant, yes we're making full use of the double meaning there.
Of course, the big hit was the title song, I'm all That! Perhaps it still rings in your head that line, "You want me to be your sweetie pie? Sure, I'll be your sweet pie ... eat me!" Straight ahead unambiguous sexual references were his oeuvre d'art.
Other tunes, the tear inducing "Take it! Take another piece of my Pierogi, baby!" The chart topping "I got your Kielbasa." "I'd like to shred that fine ass of yours into a fine Kapusta." To name just a few. But, I know, who hasn't heard those beauties. Oh yeah, then there's the hauntingly unforgettable, "You're the salt in my Beer. [And BTW I'll have a pickled Egg with that!]"
His songs could be rather racy, as you already know. Once he had a gig booked at a nightclub. The manager was eager to book the popular entertainer, but was not up for the lyrics. He insisted, "I love your music, but just don't say the titles or sing the lyrics. Too much for our patrons." Well, he agreed to the condition. So there he is at the harpsichord — did I mention he was a virtuoso on that little box. Suck it Wanda Lewandowska — playing his heart out to an enthralled audience. On a break he's coming out from the men's room and a fellow notices it, and says, "Hey, mister, do you know your fly is down and your dick is hanging out?" Oh, that Stash ... "Know it, I wrote it!"
Alas, his album is now out of print. Very sought after among the vinyl collector bunch. You play that album over a night cap back at your pad and you are guaranteed to get lucky. And, by "lucky", we're referring to gettin' it on in the sack. And, by "gettin' it on" we're referring to ... well, you get the picture.
That's enough about Stash. We don't want our readers to get all hot and bothered with the steamy details. It's all there in his song book anyway. Public property. Check it out.
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