"Scooterhooteroonies"

From when I was an Ad Biggie. Back then we didn't refer to ourselves as "Mad Men", but we did work on "Mad Ave".

In my short career in advertising I worked at some of the most famous, large agencies headquartered in New York City: J. Walter Thompson; Ted Bates; Doyle, Dane, and Bernbach. All of them, full service.

I make the point that these were full service agencies. Not boutiques who just cooked up clever ads. Oh, we did that too. Just look up the history of DDB, and read about its storied creativity.

Full service meant that we were partnered with our clients and participated in every aspect of their business. In bed, as they say. Advertisements and the communications strategies upon which they were based had to be grounded in the realities of the situation our marketing clients were dealing with. The product/service itself, the marketplace, sales force capabilities, R&D, corporate goals, competition, potential customers, consumer needs/wants/perceptions. Factors like that.

As full service agents, besides cooking up ads and planning where to place them, we often got involved in the, ahem, ancillary tasks. 

For example, package copy. One of the most stressful aspects of being an Ad Biggie for me was to have to give a package copy assignment to a copywriter. In the Creative Department package copy is just a notch above writing on the toilet stall wall. They hate it. Like pulling teeth. My job was to get it done; and, I did. Sometimes writing it myself. 

Another task, especially in a new product project, is giving that thing a name. There would always be, of course, a strategy. It sets forth what the product is and what it is for; the competition, if any; its place in the market; its special selling point(s).

One such product I'm remembering is when my client the ITT Continental Baking Company — Wonder Bread, Hostess Cakes — was looking into adding a Pita Bread to its line.

The issue then was that a lot of consumers didn't know from Pita. We were in the mid-1970s you should know. So, what to call it. 

Do we name it something that reflects its cultural origin? Pita Bread. Mid-East Bread. Fine, if you had a marketplace aware of such a product — as it is now. 

Do you name it after its functionality. "Sandwich Pockets" is a likely candidate. If you expect that people will mostly make sandwiches with it. Also, quite likely. Culturally, Pita is served with meals, portions torn off and used to scoop up morsels of food. Not in the average American household. Functionality is probably the way to go. In fact there are some "Sandwich Pocket" products out there now. Yet, keep in mind that nowadays most consumers have some acquaintance with the term "Pita Bread".

There's a third range of options for naming that Pita Bread. Something totally made up. 

That's where I came in to justify earning the big bucks. The Creative Department loathed an assignment to name a product. That task just didn't have the juice that's in the copy for a high circulation magazine ad or in a national TV spot.

In addition to a limp list of names from an uninspired copywriter, I often put pen to paper to add my own. 

I recall that the project was getting long in the tooth. I don't think ITT Continental Baking ever got around to marketing a Pita Bread. But, when it was a possibility, the naming process became a long slog. Nothing seemed to do the trick.

In a peak of frustration, I came up with the ultimate name. From right out of the blue. Right out of my arse, some said. "Scooterhooteroonies." That's right... Scooterhooteroonies. Brand new, never been heard of before. [Or, since.]

Come to think of it though, that's a good name. Maybe not for Pita Bread. But, for something. Maybe a Candy Bar. 

What do you think?