Dave's Cafe Americain

"Come on in, Toots. Sam's back. He knows what you like. I'll have him play it again."

Back Story:

Sam is the singer-piano player at Dave's joint. Coincidence, really. Nothing like in the movie. [Point of fact: the line from the movie Casablanca was, "Play it, Sam."]

Nevertheless, in the beginning . . .

The pianist, Sam, is auditioning for a gig. He plays the most beautiful songs, but the titles he gives his pieces are just too outrageously gross. Really, the worst: dirty, salacious, crude, offensive, scatological, vile. Dirty . . . Dirty.

So the night club manager says, “You know what? I really like your music. And I want to hire you. So go ahead and play for my customers. Just don’t tell them any names for your tunes.”

The entertainer agrees, “OK, that’s all right.”

One evening he starts playing the piano. The crowd goes crazy. A standing ovation. They never heard anything like it. The songs are so beautiful. The piano playing sublime.

After an hour or so, he says, “I’m gonna take a short break. I gotta go to the can.”

So he leaves. He goes to the bathroom.

On his way out of the restroom he forgets to zip up his pants. Somebody sees him and says, “Hey, do you know your zipper’s undone, and your dick is hanging out?”

The music man says . . . “Know it? I wrote it!”