𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐲 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 ...

Memories of my Rolfing Teacher Stacey Mills ...

Some background ...

In 1981 I changed careers. From a 12 year stint as an Ad Biggie on Mad Ave to Certified Rolfer; within a year's time. Quite a change, no? 

From a white collar field centered on visual and verbal parameters, to one based on manual labor. And, most certainly, way more soul. In Rolfing the manual labor is used to help move the Human body from a place of random imbalance to one of balance in alignment with the force of Gravity. Literally, like sculpting living clay. Hands on.

Interesting that from a career in marketing communications I go into a brand new, widely unknown career path with the built in challenge to communicate its benefits. It's one thing to introduce a new shampoo, or a new food product; quite another to birth the never before heard of; not just the identity "Rolfing", but the idea upon which it is based.

It's a clear moment when you realize your daily career activity will be putting your hands directly on people. As I said, especially when the previous career was all mental. But, with some nice lunches thrown in I will admit.

It did help that I had graduated with a bachelor's in Human Biology. My first academic love. 

At the time my career in advertising ended — I had a moment of honesty with myself and admitted that I didn't want to be that Can't Miss Top 10 World Class Mad Ave Ad Biggie no more. Everything changed around that one simple, clear admission; and fast — it seemed that the Universe had conspired to take me from a work centered on getting people to part with their cash to one of service and personal growth. "Rolfing!"

My Teacher Stacey Mills ...

Let me tell you about my Teacher, Stacey Mills. At the time she was the Grande Dame and Doyenne of the Rolfing community. A senior teacher at the Rolf Institute of Structural Integration which was headquartered in Boulder, Colorado. That's the school founded by the originator of Structural Integration, Dr. Ida P. Rolf. Now you know where "Rolfing" comes from.

Stacey was a Lady. Hair neatly coiffed close to the head. Just enough makeup; nails perfectly polished. Silk blouses. Simple, comfortable slacks. Precise, knowing, gentle touch. A cool, cool Scorpio. With a presence emanating depth and understanding. Very self contained, private. That's Scorpio. Funny, my ex-wife is a Scorpio and all the teachers in my training led by Stacey were also Scorpios. Kismet? Better behave around Scorpios ... stingers.

She was held in a kind of ga-ga high esteem in the Rolf community. It seemed a bit much, and that made me question it. My comment, "But, can she get down on all fours and bark like a dog?". I hope she could. But, the Lady was dignified and serious always. Wouldn't dare say that to her face.

Meeting Stacey ...

On the very first day of class in New York City I met Stacey Mills for the first time and presented her with a highly shined red Apple. She accepted it from me, without any trace of affect. Like you handed a mechanic a wrench needed for the job; or, a surgeon a scalpel. Whether my attempt at being endearing with my gesture of clever irony registered with her, who knows. I enjoyed it. It was a nice Apple. And, the class was in the Big Apple. 

Dancing with Stacey ...

Some of us called her "Spacey Stacey". Though she didn't talk about it, she was definitely one of those rare "psychic ladies". You know the kind who could read you deep into your karmic roots, with a library of study at her fingertips in the arcane; such as astrology, metaphysics, and other esoteric subjects. She had a knowing way. What she knew, who knows. 

About in the middle of the multi-week class schedule we all went to the Roseland Ballroom in Manhattan for an evening of dancing. I danced with Stacey. It was probably some bouncy pop tune and she was grooving to the vibes. Eyes closed, hands waving in the air; off in her own reverie. Like, we weren't grooving together. Just her. Perhaps in her own experince she was dancing with me, but it didn't seem that way to me. I stopped dancing ... cold. She opened her eyes and stopped too. It was abrupt. But, I too have dance in me. Not always groovy, but always in the groove. If you know what I mean. What do I mean? Believe me, I sure don't know. Who knows, I might have brought her back and saved her from floating off into the ethers.

Stacey's lecture assignments to the class ...

The Rolf Structural Integration format is taught as a 10 session process. Typically, a client comes once a week. I was given the class assignment to give a talk on the 6th session. I didn't know at the time what I knew. The 6th session I would characterize as having the theme, "Level". Remember, the main goal of the work is to balance the body — the whole Human being actually; but, you can get your hands on that body as a grounded surety — in respect to the dictates of Gravity. That means the segments of the body are stacked up easy on a simple vertical line. For that, things need to be symmetrical and level. It's at the point of the 6th session that things need to get level. The next session focuses on the upper head area, so you want to be sure there's a place to put a level head. Kapische?

My talk featured emphasis on "vectors". Tensional imbalances in the fabric of the body that pull away from the central vertical. It's a whole thing to discuss what that's about; suffice to say that we accumulate the slings and arrows of living and store them in the body. Insufficient learning, bad habits, accidents, traumas, modelling after our significant others; like that.

After I gave my talk I saw Stacey raise her eyebrows. Maybe with some eyes, like you make when you have a reaction to something. What her reaction was, who knows. Inscrutable as she was. I don't think it was a response to my brilliance. After several decades in this craft I look back and in fact see the truth of it. But then, I was stabbing a bit in the dark with my concept. My take at the time was her response had something to do with how full of shit I was. Or, maybe — mirabile dictu — it was over her head? Our teachers sometimes can seem to be as gods. But, like any good teacher knows, your students teach you too. Maybe she was amazed at my brilliance after all?

If that transaction left me with anything, it was what Stacey would say to me at the end of my training. In essence, some things are better left unanswered. So, I'll let go wondering about how she took it. Like I said, those Scorpios don't seem to show their cards much. 

Graduation dinner ...

At the successful end of the training the students and the teachers got together for a dinner party. At the assistant teacher Rosemary Feitis' sprawling Upper West Side West End Avenue apartment. 

Stacey prepared the meal. Braised Pig Feet. A kulinary koan if ever there was one. Pig's feet? Huh? Truth be told, I thoroughly enjoyed the meal. What, if anything the others at the table thought of it, I don't know. We didn't gossip about things after the fact. But, as you would think, a celebratory dinner with Pig's feet? Not exactly the first thing that comes to mind planning for such an event. As was usual for me, it did cause me to wonder whether there was some message buried in that stew. And, back to the main lesson. Let the question go. I didn't have a sense of relationship enough with Stacey to ask her what she was thinking. Simply remember a delicious dish.

The class party ...

We had the class party at Anatomy Teacher Louis Schulz's apartment in the Village. Teachers, students, class models, friends and family. 

Stacey gifted the newly certified Rolfers T-shirts with

tiger and zebra stripes printed on the full fronts. I imagined the image could be interpreted as a finger print. The hand of God? Maybe. Who knows.

At the time somehow I was taken with making jewelry with brass safety pins. There were six students in the class. I affixed six small pins to one larger and made it into a decoration you could wear as jewelry. I told Stacey it was a puzzle [six students, one teacher]. She replied, "Some puzzles aren't meant to be solved". Another teaching moment, for sure. Swaha! Let it go!

As I said, Stacey dressed well. Stylish, but not too showy; quality choices. At the party she wore a black velvet cat suit, with large red roses dotting here and there. On her backside a very large full bloom red rose covered the entirety. Not to be missed. What that was all about, again, who knows. Stacey at the time was a woman of a certain age. I think she still had it going on. But, I wasn't inclined to open that trick box. My own psychic chops hadn't yet been cooked enough to suss that puzzlement. To this day, can't say.

My cry for help ...

Early in my Rolfing career it wasn't going swimmingly. All my own bridges were burned, and the friends and colleagues from my previous life weren't exactly the sort that would embrace something as radically new as Rolfing. So much for creativity in the so-called creative world of Advertising. Geez! Much less, that all of them didn't embrace me much to begin with. Not much fertile soil in my section of the farm. Mostly rocks to be cleared. Like I said, this career has a lot to do with personal development. When life gives you karmic rocks you learn to rock your karma. I'm still at it. Thankfully, now. Back then, it was a difficult challenge.

I called Stacey on the telephone to make contact. Not sure what I wanted, or how to even express it. When she answered and I identified myself she asked, "What can I do for you?". A little stunned at the directness and flatness of how she put it, I said, "I just wanted to tell you I love you". I don't recall what, if any, response she had to that. It did seem to soften my sense of relationship with her, however.

A Rolf Institute annual meeting ...

A few years into my career as a Rolfer I attended a workshop at the school in Boulder, Colorado. Followed by a big party at the conclusion of the membership annual meeting. Afterward Stacey thanked me "for sharing myself". 

Lovely acknowledgment. Thank you. And bless you.

Our last time together, planetary-wise ...

In her last years Stacey Mills lived in an assisted living community in New Jersey. She probably would have been medically diagnosed with dementia. We visited. I was eager to show her the piece I had written for prospective clients. No purchase on that. She seemed to be on some other plane. "Spacey Stacey." We took a walk together around the sprawling facility. At one point we got lost. She said "You are going to embarrass yourself", going off like we were in the wrong direction in the maze of corridors at the facility. I said nothing. Knowing that just being there was all there was ... and, being there with her. 

Concluding thoughts ...

Sometimes I can see Stacey looking through my eyes. I hope she enjoys the view. Who knows. Not for me to concern about her experience. But, my own. Knowing and trusting that that will please my Teacher.

PS There emerged in this recollection a theme. Not knowing. There was so much about Stacey Mills which to me was inscrutable. As I have matured it is dawning on me that not knowing is the true condition. That we confuse and complicate in our quest for so-called understanding. Yet, in not knowing, we can look at a situation in the present moment with fresh, unfiltered eyes. And trust in our ability to respond appropriately and effectively. To be responsible. That's what the field of Rolf Structural Integration is all about. Learning to live in a healthy balance, a balance based on the universal principal of the Law of Gravity. Appropriate. Responsible ... able to respond.

Some Teacher, huh?