He's a Pollack all right, but he emigrated to Romania on a quest of the heart, and was adopted by that most hospitable folk of the land as a bone fide Romanian. At first the folks in Krakรณw thought he was all cracked up. But, time heals, and now he is accepted — albeit not in the fullest or highest sense — as that crazy "Romanian". Spoken with the kind of spin emphasis on "Romanian" that you get a clear impression that he's not in the A-list circle of family Wronski. Think of Seinfeld and his "Newman". Speaking of which, that's ironic since Wronski's from time immemorial have not enjoyed A-list status. Except for rich Uncle Benji; he bought his way into some high stakes situations. But, I digress.
The back story on Teddy, as we like to call him, is rather complex. Certainly unexpected. Some of it, in true Wronski fashion, is rather mundane.
A classic example of the aforementioned which, whilst enjoying cocktails on a sunny summer afternoon in the garden of the parents of his betrothed Romanian heart throb the Grandfather of that clan took him under his wing over a plate of speecy-spicy long green hot peppers. The trick is you cut the pepper lengthwise and then cut away the inner spines — besides the seeds, that's what carries the heat. Those spines. Nice to know. A lesson what translates to larger matters?
Turns out that this little bit of culinary wisdom is part of the familial approval vetting process among the folk Romania. Just like among the French who are ever so more into the fussy foods, the intended of their darling girl is given a peach and must peel it in one single connected strip. Probably something about how it shows that he'll be careful and gentle with his new bride. What the Romanians have in mind with that pepper schtick is anybody's guess.
With that pepper secret firmly embedded in his keppe, Uncle Teddy for a time until the novelty wore off liked to refer to himself as ... "I'm a Pepper".
As Paris Hilton might say to that, "That's hot".
Let's see, what else? Thaddeus, being a genetically certified Wronski can boast as part of his genetic endowments a general tendency to have extra large parts, if you know what I mean. And, if your mind went to where I think it went, then I have to ask, what's the matter with you? We're talking about things like the ears, the nose. Not a nose that's 12 inches long, because then it would be a foot. But, as honkers go ... big. And, for you pervy sorts, yes, there too.
Uncle also liked to tinker. He fashioned himself an inventor. He was indeed rather clever. But, maybe by a factor of twice so. His mรฉtier was the culinary world. He invented a host of one-purpose, kitchen-cluttering devices. If your kitchen is replete with such things you'll get the picture. Such as Banana slicers, Avocado scoops, Bagel slicers, poached Egg whatchamacallits, meat ball baller, herb scissors, Corn kerneler, burger patty press, egg cracker, Onion goggles. His standout invention is the Sp-atu-oon©. A combination spoon and spatula. For stirring and scraping out the last bit from the pot. Right handed and left handed, of course.
Digging deeper into his resume we see stints as such as carnival barker, Pizza delivery, dish washer, hot air balloon heater-upper, deck hand on a submarine, and — last, but not least — the starch boy at a busy Chinese laundry. The latter which is where he got slammed with the nickname "Mr. Staaach!". Spoken in the commensurate broken English with the also commensurate enthusiastic exclamatory verve known only and exclusively to those Chinese workers who spend too much time taking in the scorched aromas of an over-used ironing board. If you've ever patronized a Chinese hand laundry you know from such sentsations.
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