Where To Go?


If you think the happy poop image above is gross, think again. It's an Emoji. Stands for ... good luck. What's an Emoji? Look elsewhere. I got enough on my hands trying to wrangle this wramble onto the page and make some sense out of just a tiny piece of the contemporary meshuggah zeitgeist.

In case you haven't noticed there's now a vigorous contest to reassign public restroom use. 

Used to be this way:

1. If you were a boy, you went to the Men's room. 
2. Girls went to the Ladies room. 
3. Men went to the Boy's room. 
4. Women went to the Girl's room.

Looks like it's up for grabs. No pun intended. But, there could be some unwelcome grabbing in the loo if you don't watch out. Like the drummer in the band went to the bathroom and was discovered to be playing with his own skins. My pimp buddy can't wait to send his ho's to ply their trade in Men's rooms. Heck, he's broadminded and up to date. Into the Ladies room too. 

Let's not get into the manifold permutations of clothing choices, and gender reassignment. Used to be when I was a lad someone in a dress was a girl. And, along with long hair, pretty much all it took to get my interest. Now, you should look under the hood before getting into the car. If you know what I mean. I can just imagine seeing men shopping for themselves in what were once women's departments. And, vice verse. Maybe when I'm feeling a little girly I'll go to Saks and have my face done at the cosmetics department. And, sue if they don't take me seriously at the cosmetics counter or after I go into the Ladies room.

A joke: Fellow gets his face slapped at a party after he sticks his nose up into a lady's behind. She sues for assault. He counter sues for cruelty to animals. His claim ... he was feeling his inner dog just then.

Adding the manifold permutations anyhow:

Born Male
     Identifies as Male
          Wears Male-style clothes
          Wears Female-style clothes
     Identifies as Female
          Wears Male-style clothes
          Wears Female-style clothes
          Male to Female Gender Reassigned
               Wears Male-style clothes
                    Attracted to Males
                    Attracted to Females
               Wears Female-style clothes
                    Attracted to Males
                    Attracted to Females

Born Female
     Identifies as Female
          Wears Female-style clothes
          Wears Male-style clothes
     Identifies as Male
          Wears Female-style clothes
          Wears Male-style clothes
          Female to Male Gender Reassigned

               Wears Male-style clothes
                    Attracted to Males
                    Attracted to Females
               Wears Female-style clothes
                    Attracted to Males
                    Attracted to Females

Not getting into the thicket of how to parse based on at what point in the reassignment process one may be. Or the difference between transgender and transexual. Also, if the identification is long term, or just momentary. And, if you're feeling a little doggy, do you just go next to the table? Finally, if you're sexual appetites aren't delineated into only one category. 

This just in: We hear Caitlyn Jenner is feeling like being Bruce again. Considering "de-transitioning" in the near future. WTF?

Foreseeing an uncomfortable scenario: 

Man and women out for a dinner date. She excuses herself to go to "powder her nose". Meanwhile said man decides to go the restroom too. Feeling a little girly just then, he goes to the Ladies Room. Hears a lot of grunting and farting and loud defecating coming from the only stall in use. Goes back to the table. His date arrives soon after. Buzz kill? Alternatively, he goes to the Men's Room. Same sounds. Only this time his date emerges from the stall while he is washing his hands. Big question ... If he gets lucky tonight what's he gonna find under the hood? And, is it unconstitutional for him to care, never mind object? Or, was she just feeling a little butch just then?

There's a great Hal Roach classic from1940, "Turnabout" with John Hubbard and Carole Landis.




Or, the songwriter who's song titles were so gross, dirty and salacious the club manager insisted, "Your music is beautiful, just don't say the song titles when you perform for my guests." He agreed. The performance was a hit. Standing ovations. After a while he took-five for a bathroom break. Coming out of the john he forgot to zip up. A customer noticed and said, "Do you know your dick's hanging out of your pants?" The musician replied, "Know it! I wrote it!"



Tricky thing is now we have all kinds of fluid gender variants that are not only acceptable, but thrillingly and enthusiastically applauded for their expressions of diversity. I grew up in a time when gender fluids were only of two kinds. Now, it's a cocktail. "Cocktail." Now there's a word from another era too. Somehow sexual, if your mind goes there. Mine did.

What is that ... this mass movement to embrace and mainstream outlier ideas. Take masturbation. Please do. Yes, what was once anathema is now encouraged. It's good for you. And, for when you can't get it up on your own, there's a pill. For a price. If your erection lasts for more than four hours ... you're welcome! 

Take the recent public excess over the death of rocker Prince. Sure, he was a talent. But, come on! I'm not enough of a sociologist to have any kind of insight to offer into what is behind that mass bandwagon of grief and adulation. Really! What is that? Like lemmings  is a term that seems to relate to how the public gets on board certain things. Let's not get started with a certain demagogue messiah whose coming had been heralded by that would be "John the Baptist" Sarah Palin.

Just like how it seems in a flash how same-sex marriage is the law of the land. OK. I get it about equal rights. Yes, marriage confers certain desirable legal prerogatives between couples who otherwise wouldn't be recognized if just cohabiting.  

Funny story. When I worked at a prestigious US Government research center, health insurance was one of my salaried benefits. Since my partner and I aren't married she could not qualify under my plan. Yet — this is truly "queer" — if she was male and we were not married "he" would be covered. That is queer. 

Same sex marriage. What still astonishes me though is how in such short time after what seemed to be centuries of tradition it is now considered by a large swath of the citizenry a no-brainer that such a thing should be so obvious to do. So obvious in some circles that you would be ostracized for not wholeheartedly embracing it. We may be entering into a thumbs-up / thumbs-down culture. The vox populi rules. Or, the squeakiest hinge gets the oil. 

Born that way. Really? Used to be a centuries-old idea, "Tabla Rasa". Blank slate. Now whatever your sexual preference may be, it's inborn. This is not a scientific fact. It became fact in a matter of months owing to political pressure. Just hope a whole bunch of your friends decide your an asshole. Then, what you have suspected all along will, in fact, be a fact. The day goes to the ones with the most political clout. Let's just hope in the world of "winners" all the young'uns don't get together and decide that the old fogies should make a hasty retreat, them being all ugly and non-productive and all. Package it all into some Soilent Green movie scenario. Cruel, but kind. 

I see in my own field how that idea of "born that way" plays in. I train individuals to transform the arrangement of their bodies to one which works better architecturally under the demands of the pull of Gravity. The human body is plastic, it molds over time with experience. It can change. A recent client observed how his son had the same kind of posture as he did. He chalked it up to genetics. Well there's some genetics in there, for sure. But, genes are plastic too. You heard it here first. I suggested to him that there may be some modeling involved. Like father, like son, kind of thing. I don't think he bought it. The kid was born that way. Next time I feel like poking some stranger in the nose, I'll offer that excuse. I suspect it'll only go so far.

There's something I call Gatekeeper in another article. It would certainly settle those public restroom concerns. Now just to find the Wunderkind algorithm genius to figure out who should in fact go where. Like the other day, a friend of mine was deeply and truly feeling in touch with his inner feminine. He went into the Ladies room at the bar to, as they say, "drain the main vein". He still has no idea what all the ensuing fuss was about. He did assure everyone that since his penis was attracted to women it was lesbian. That should have handled it. No pun intended. But, I think he went a little astray when he whipped the thing out to prove it.

So now we have legislatures worrying over all this. Who goes where. What kind of junk between your legs do you have and where does it go? Also, the junk in your head. When I feel pretty, which loo do I use? It could go further. Suppose you were feeling a little doggy one day. It would be then completely politically correct to go around sniffing butts. Dogs get a pass on that one, you know. Caitlyn Jenner. Does he/she have the balls to go under the knife and have those tech wiz doctors fabricate for her a fake pussy? Yes, that's not a politically correct word unless a female says it. Just like "nigger" is off limits unless you're Black. And, don't try to tell any Jew a Jewish joke. Not funny. Remembering the comic Myron Cohen on the Ed Sullivan Show. Famous for how he captured the ethnic Jewish accent in America. And others. He said some people called him anti-Semitic. His response, "But, I am Semitic."



Who said it? "We are building a dictatorship of relativism that does not recognize anything as definitive and whose ultimate standard consists solely of one's own ego and desires." Answer: One Pope Benedict XVI. Here's some more from an interview with the Pope and Peter Seewald.

You know how in the Tao Te Ching there's that bit about the more laws there are the poorer the people will be. And, the more clever and cunning people are, the stranger the events will be. And, the more laws and commands there are, the more thieves and robbers there will be. 

Present times ... it seems to fit, doesn't it?


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