Vagina!

Is That What You Want to Call It?

Since when did it become commonly accepted to call the female external genitalia ... "Vagina"?

As an trained Anatomist and Health Professional it doesn't seem to me to fit. [That's what she said.] But, seriously. It doesn't.

Of course, the technical term is "Vulva". Not something that nestles nicely on the tongue. Term-wise. "Pudendum." That one also lacks the erotic flavor one would be looking for. 

The P-word is to only be used by big shots riding on private buses. Or, in the privacy of your own home. Women who want to be bold in public, or to make a splash, use the P-word. But, if you're a guy, the women folk don't like you to use it in public. Behind closed doors, work it out between you two. OK. Or, three. The C-word should not be used unless a large amount of invective is required. And, only if it applies.

Admittedly, there's a Vagina in there somewhere. But, also, an Urethra. In fact, since it's used by far more often than the Vagina, so I suppose a case could be made for calling that whole bunch of dangly bits ... the Urethra. Using similar logic, naturally.

I guess we want to have our cake and eat it too. Let's have an agreeable name, but let's not take the sizzle away from the steak. Vagina does bring the sexy. Urethra would be a wet blanket. 

I get it that "Vagina" is now the accepted word for it. The whole shebang; external genitalia and the actual anatomical Vagina. Seems in our Post-Modern culture if enough people agree on something, then that's what we go with. So, let me ask, who decided that? And, how come everybody gave it the thumbs-up. Pun intended.

I also get the there's the need to take the word "Vagina" out of the shadows. Free the Nipple? Let's go the next step. Free the V. I'm led to understand that it's still a shocking and intimidating term. To some. To me it's just a clinical term.

And, maybe, that's why I have the problem with the word. It just doesn't say it correctly, nor does it have the allure factor.

So, let me make a suggestion.

Let's call it ... "Queen." Yes, Queen. 

To be used thusly: "The Queen is hot." "The Queen will receive you now." "Bow before the Queen." "The Queen is [is not] pleased." 

I can see a porno movie entitled ... "She Opened with Her Queen ... and He Saw It!"

PS My Lady doesn't like the term "Queen". I've been advised to find a new one. In the meantime the working title I use is Pudendum. Maybe with enough use it and that vulgar sounding "Vulva" word will become more cuddly. 

Maybe I'm on to something. "Cuddly." How about naming it "The Cuddle"? I'll try it out tonight and see if it has traction. 

I do foresee there might be some misunderstanding if she asks me to cuddle. Maybe I can get an alternative to the usual meaning for cuddle?